Mark - I wanted you to see what the teachers have said since we last spoke! We have had a victory- hopefully
the beginning of many! It works, it really works! You are a God send!
THANK GOD!! WOOHOOO -- B.I.
Teachers write:
"So far today D___ has continued to surprise me. He has done wonderfully. Way to go
mom. Now we know the rest of the story and what needs to be done to get his attention.
He is a great kid!!!"
"I wanted you to know that D___ had a terrific day yesterday. He finish all the
assignments he was missing and he raised his hand the correct way to get help. He
followed all the rules just like he was supposed to do. He earned his behavior clip and he
seemed to be very proud of it. He has come in this morning and without my telling him he
started to work. I am seeing a totally different kid and I love it. I will try to let you know
more later."
===========================================================================
Thanks Mark. After reading some of your ebook, it makes me realize areas we have to work on. Not ONE
counselor we've ever seen has ever made more sense -- we've wasted hours in counseling. We are going to
take some positive steps forward now. -- E. & P.
===========================================================================
Mark Hutten,
You completely rock!! I am only on Week #1, and I am already seeing a change. I am so impressed with
your web site. I keep finding more and more good, helpful stuff! Thank you and your staff so much! May
God bless you as you help us one child at a time to stop the insanity of out of control kids. -- O.C.
===========================================================================
Today, I spoke to my son's former counselor (whom I was asking for a referral for another counseling,
which I did before I found your ebook). I told her, “I think I don't need it for now,” because I found your
site. I gave her your site and told her to spread the word about your ebook, since her job deals with parents
and kids of similar problems.
In a week's time, I've seen a great change. Now my 2nd son (AJ) asks permission before he goes out of the
house and calls me when he can't come home on the agreed time. I can also see some smiles on his face little
by little.
Thanks again for all the help! -- A.D.
===========================================================================
Thanks again Mark. I have been very impressed with your advice and felt I should "pay it forward" as we
feel we are getting such extreme value for our money. As such, I sent your web mail address to the doctor
who was "trying" to help us. Our son was so extremely disrespectful during our visit with the doctor that he
was exasperated at the end and told us there was nothing more he could do and so we should consider
kicking him out at 18 and prior to that, send him to a home for "raging" teens if his behaviour continued.
I also note that our doctor has a Psychology degree.
I know he has many cases such as ours, so I sent him your website to pass on to other parents who would
benefit from this resource.
Kindest regards,
S.
===========================================================================
Good morning Mark;
Just started reading your Ebook and WOW, even if my daughter who is 14 is not as bad as some, just dealing
with small issues compared to some, I just have this calming feeling that we are going to be ok and I started
the techniques from Assignment 1 and already can see a look of astonishment on my daughters face.
So on that note - Thank you and I am looking forward to what else the program has to offer.
Thanks Mark, everything you state just in the first 30 odd pages hit the nail on the head!
Have a wonderful day - because my daughter and I will try too!
J.S.
===========================================================================
Hi, I just want to say that these 3 weeks since I bought your program have been the best I have had in a
while. My daughters are doing great, no arguments, there is respect, and they are doing their chores---Thank
you! I feel so in control these days. I hope to keep it up. There is hope, I have followed the program, and I
have noticed that just a few adjustments go a long way in the behaviour of children. They cannot see you out
of control. K.H.
===========================================================================
Mark-
I am only on the second week of your program, but I am already seeing an amazing and positive difference
in my daughter. We have struggled with her behavior since she was 9 months old. I was humbled and
astounded to learn that I was a big part of the problem in the way that I was reacting to her. We actually
have some peace in our home and she even hugs us and says “I love you” on a regular basis. She has even
begun apologizing for getting angry and being unreasonable.
The next step is to help her bring her grades up and stay out of trouble at school. I have every confidence
that we have turned a corner and I’m referring everyone I know to your program.
Thank you! -- T.E.
===========================================================================
I should mention our successes. Last week, our son received a merit award at school assembly for his
‘amazing improvements’ in class. He was also sent to the headmaster to show him a piece of creative writing
he’d done, which was beautiful, detailed and above all way beyond what he was asked to do (he had been
doing absolute minimum, and nowhere near what he is capable of). The headmaster wrote him a note of
congratulations, which he proudly brought home. Mark, I just want you to know this is completely
unprecedented. I believe it is entirely due to the changes we’ve made at home by following the program .
As you mentioned, it is going to take some time to turn around behaviour that has become habit over 11
years, and I’m sure there are continuing challenges ahead, but we really want to thank you this program,
and the insight and support it provides.
Best regards,
L.
===========================================================================
Dear Mark,
I am sure you have heard it all before...but I was (am) at my wits in with my 15-year-old son. We have made
our first appearance in the court for his truancy. He attends school every day, but he "skips" the detention
classes and our district is strict on it's policy and counts this as an absent.
He is failing every class except Gym and a sports fitness class. They are very low F's in the 20-30%, which
tells me he is just physically there and not contributing at all. It started last year, new school he played
football his 8th grade year, he is a very good athlete. His grades started to fail and the school couldn't let
him play basketball. He gave up when they took his sports away from him. Even after informing him that
if he brought his grades up he could be a starter on the varsity team his freshman year. He wouldn't do the
schoolwork to get him back on track again.
All he does now is come home and shut the door to his room, play online video games. Never speaks unless
he wants something. I know that I spoiled him, over indulgence. His dad and I have been divorced for 13
years, and we have always put him first. His dad and I have been close and remain so. I have been remarried
for 11 years, and my son and husband don't have much respect for each other.
So when I came across your website and ebook, I bought it right away! I am so excited to have access to this
knowledge. We are to start family therapy in January through our local University, which was ordered by
the court. I felt I needed something right away, and I am so glad I came upon your program. I look forward
to working the program and having a relationship with my son again.
I never thought that my over indulgence with my son would cause all the behavior that we have been
experiencing in the house. Just about every "symptom" of over indulgence you have explained, he is (we
are) experiencing.
I love my son. I want to see him succeed in life and in love. Besides his bad behavior and lack of academic
success, he is a good kid. I believe with the help of your program, I can possibly get my entire family back
on track again. So thank you, I just feel this is my answer.
This program makes a lot of sense to me. I appreciate the straight talk and not a bunch of lists and personal
research. I need help now and that is what I feel this offers.
Thanks again.
Sincerely,
C.R.
===========================================================================
Dear Mark,
I ordered your ebook and talked to you on the phone about my daughter a while back and just wanted to
say thank you and let you know that your methods work for us! As you predicted, first the frequency of
conflicts decreased at first and then later the intensity decreased. And better yet, the conflicts we have now
are about less critical matters, for example, over staying on the internet too long rather than over staying
out with unsavory friends too late. We communicate much better, too.
Again, thank you for what you are doing, and for being there to help so many parents like me who have
been overwhelmed with raising teenagers.
S.
===========================================================================
Good morning Mark,
Oh my God, it is actually working. Adam has now been back at home 2 days and last night he tried pushing
our buttons again, with no success. We remained calm and told he we didn't want to argue. He wanted to use
the car to go to his friend’s house and we said that he had nothing to earn the use of the car. We told him if he
did his homework he could use it and he chose not to, so he walked. Before he left he said something odd he
said "you guys aren't talking to me", I said "I don't know what you mean, we talked all through dinner and
after dinner (when we insisted he do dishes).....". Anyway, you know what we didn't do, we didn't yell and
scream and I guess he thought that we hadn't talked to him because of it....very strange. We said we loved
him before he went to bed and this morning before he left and asked him to make good choices today. My
husband has a hard time telling him that he loves him, but he did it, I was very proud of him. Actually, I
think we both have a hard time saying "I love you" right now, because he has been so awful to be around.
I guess you might not really want an update, but I just needed to tell you because I was soooo impressed.
Oh, one more thing, our son is severe ADHD to a point that his pediatrician refers to him as a "case study"
and has agreed to keep him on as a patient until he is 18 instead of 16.
J.
===========================================================================
In reading your book, I realized that there are others out there that have exactly the same problems as
I do, and who are making exactly the same mistakes as I was -- and that there are people like yourself that
advocate what I believed in. This has helped me gain the strength I needed to tackle the onslaught. And let
me tell you that this is exactly what it has been the last 3 weeks.
I put the expectations and responsibilities with the earning or loss of privileges on paper, and when I handed
it to my son and wanted to discuss it with him – well, almighty hell broke loose! And this continued for a
whole week – constant swearing and telling me he will not adhere to it and I will not control him.
Although battered and bruised by the emotional experience, I am proud of myself -- I did it! I put my poker
face on and stuck to my guns. A week later, although he is still not earning any pocket money (as he refuses
to do what I have put on the list), he did come to me and ask what he needed to do to get his computer back.
We are now at the un-grounding point (and the 'get the computer back' point) as he has managed to go a
whole week without loosing his temper and swearing. He still does have the attitude that he will not do what
is on the list, but I am watching him carefully -- and have been able to keep the discipline in place for the
relevant things I put on the list. -- G.D.
===========================================================================
I am an Officer in the Canadian Forces Reserve (CIC) and my Branch of the CF deals with youth training
(ages 12 to 19). I currently command my own unit. I am always dealing with youth who are either out-of-
control, or have a tendency to get out-of-control. I also work with a Special Needs camp for teens with
behavioral problems, and melt-downs are not uncommon. I have found your e-book and power point
presentations an excellent source of information at opening up the line of communication with these kids.
My own children are 4 and 6. They are not out-of-control teens, but I feel that the information you have
given me will allow me to set the ground rules to allow for a great "teen experience". I am fully aware of
"inclusion," and I empower my kids now to behave well for me by allowing them to set the limits in a task,
trip, or outing, so they feel like it's there work paying off. I know at age 6 the concept may be lost, but I feel
what they learn from it will allow me to understand how to keep those lines of communication open down
the road.
I would like to thank you for such great material. I hope I can change the lives of many more teens, as I
have done much so far. However, it is only those who really want to change their lives that I have been
able to help. They must make that decision as they under go their own journey. -- T.T.
===========================================================================
I will tell you that I've done the first two steps and I'm still reading, but I wanted to have a copy handy
electronically to build a cheat sheet and mold my mantras. Thanks so much for writing this, I was a little
hesitant at first when I was browsing your site...but in the end, I was more like...it can't hurt and if it teaches
me one thing...then for that I will be a better parent.
Your statement you make in the first step "I have an obligation to you, my child, as a parent to..." That
statement alone made me a better parent. I've said it to my son and I've said to others in my life who would
like to be a bigger priority in my life. This statement has made things even more clear to me...as a single
parent and for that I'll always be grateful. Thanks again.
Sign me "an obligated parent who gladly accepts the honor of releasing into this world (eventually) an
upstanding, independent, responsible, young, adult male."
Gracefully,
R.V.
===========================================================================
Dear Mark,
I wanted to let you know we have completed the first section of program and are starting on section 2.
Today I had the challenge of saying no and sticking to it when my son wanted me to make an exception to
a consequence he was given for skipping school = (Car is parked) and dishonesty when he told me he would
take my truck to the gym, only to find out he did not go to the gym at all = (Loss of cell phone). This morning
he told me he hated me and that he wished I would get into a car accident on the way home from driving him
to school. I was able to apply the art of removing my myself from his comments emotionally and better yet,
when he called me later to ask again if he could go to his girlfriends (because he was doing better in school
and really trying) I was able to say no, and that I am proud he is doing better in school, however, I gave the
reason for the continued consequence. I was ready to say, I will not argue, and didn’t have to as he said okay
and then apologized for saying what he said to me this morning. I then was able to tell him that he gets angry
and says those things as he has trouble expressing emotions. (I had written ALL the points down today and
they were in front of me when he called.) I said we would need to work on this and that I love him very much.
We ended the conversation without further problems.
You have to understand that he has been out of control for almost a year now so this was a huge step in the
right direction.
I know this is just a start, but it feels so good to have some tools to use that really work. Thank-you so much
and I will keep you posted. -- S.S.
===========================================================================
I have worked for the school for over twenty years in various positions including therapist, Director of
Residential Life, Dean of Counseling, Dean of Students. Recently we have established the position of Parent
Liaison to assist parents with the challenges of having their son in a boarding school and I have moved into
this role. In addition to being a mentor for the parents, I will also be conducting parenting workshops
through the year.
I am also working on a school based web site that will offer assistance to our parents, and am pleased to be
offering a link to your web site and book. Your book and web site is an excellent source of guidance and
support for all parents, not just those of troubled teens.
Best regards,
Jim Graves, MC
Parent Liaison
St. Paul's Preparatory Academy
Educating Young Men Since 1961
===========================================================================
I downloaded your ebook a while ago, and it is great. I have spoken to you for help along the way. My
children's names are E____ (who has ASD), M____ (she's 11), and J____ (he's 13 with some ASD
difficulties).
I am a Qualified Primary schoolteacher and have been specialising in helping parents and students in the
area of 'challenging behaviour'. Recently I changed my job and am now working with a lot of schools around
creating safer emotional and physical environments. This means working with teachers, students, parents
and the communities. I was wondering if you have anything in New Zealand as far as training is concerned,
as a lot of the difficulties that the parents are coming across would be massively helped with your teachings.
They are surrounded by professionals who are still talking about time-out consequences and behaviour
reinforcements. Many of these parents have had years of this, and as you say have 'dipped in and out' often
depending on how much they could cope with at the time. Many of them are at the stage of having pre teens
with all the new emotional stresses and behaviours. Many of these parents could not afford to buy your
ebook because of the exchange rate -- and they get me for free if it is through the school. Although I have
done some private trainings around explosive behaviours, anxiety, stress and visual learning.
I am a qualified N.L.P. trainer and practitioner and was wondering if there was any way we could get this
information over to NZ. Anyway, if you could think of any thing that might help please let me know.
I would be happy to do some training if that was possible. Many thanks for your time. -- L. A.
===========================================================================
Hi Mark,
I just signed up for the Online Parent Support and have just completed Week #1.
After years of misbehaviour and conflict I took my daughter (just turned 11) to see a Pediatrician, on the
recommendation of my family physician. After my first visit and interview with the Pediatrician, I was told
that "if you look up ODD in the dictionary, you would likely see a picture of your daughter". We talked a
little about this disorder and when I left his office I actually felt some relief that there was a reason my
daughter behaves the way she does.
When I got home I went onto the internet wanting to find out as much as possible about this disorder so I
could have a better understanding what was going on with her. During my research, I found your Online
Parent Support website. As I read through some of the information, I thought this was exacting what I was
looking for. When I signed up for the course I was desperate for answers as to why my daughter behaves
and responds they way she does.
Since completing Week #1, I have found that this is just as much about my "self discovery" as a person and
as a parent as it is about my daughter. How I react and interact with her is key. I have implemented many
of the suggestions and techniques, and they have worked beautifully in defusing many situations that would
have, otherwise, ended up in huge explosions, tantrums and hurt feelings.
Also, understanding this oppositional, defiant behaviour has given me so much more insight and compassion
and, as a result, has given me the strength to stay calm, not react and to let go of the small things.
Thank you for providing this online parent support, I'm truly looking forward to Weeks 2-4.
Sincerely,
G.W.
===========================================================================
Would you recommend this program to friends or family?
Definitely. I have recommended it many times already.
Did you get a timely response to your emails?
I have not needed to email yet, But Mark has kept to his word on everything else, so I am confident emails
would be timely.
What was the most helpful feature of Online Parent Support?
When I started the program, I felt so lost and helpless. Mark said things that made me swear he knew my
child personally. Everything I read seemed to be about my child. This was how I knew this program was
different, and that it could work. The steps were easy to follow, and the results were fast. When we took
the parenting quiz, I scored an 80 and my husband scored 100. This really opened our eyes. Now all 3 of
my children are happier and easier to deal with.
What was the least helpful?
I cannot think of one thing I would change about this program. Thank you so much.
Additional Comments:
My child had been on medication for ADD for several years. It never seemed to help the way we hoped.
His anger was out of control and most of the walls in our home had holes from him punching them. He was
violent with his siblings and distant from us. I found your program while looking for a treatment facility to
send him away to. I knew it was not safe for his brother and sister if he stayed in our home. About 2 and a
half weeks into your program we were able to take him off the medication and he continued to improve. (His
doctor insisted we were making a huge mistake and that medication was the only way to help him.) He is
changing into a more confident self-controlled person thanks to your program. He used to scream at me how
much he hated me. Now when he does not get his way he will yell, “Why are you such a good parent??? God,
I love you so much!! Why can't you be a rotten parent like my friends parents???” He will try to sound
angry, but he is letting me know he is happier with the way things are now. He is learning to diffuse tense
situations as well. We have both become better people. Thank you for giving me my son back.
K.K.
===========================================================================
Hi Mark,
Your web site has given me and my partner a great deal of hope with our daughter. She is 12 but I can see
already that with our "over parenting & over indulging" that it hasn’t done S___ any favours at all.
I thought that one of the key areas you wrote about was very interesting to me, was the topic that as parents
you shouldn't feel guilty for trying your very best & to take time out to look after yourself. I constantly feel
guilty for being a working mum etc. My mother was very strict and I was afraid that I was treating S___ the
same as I was quiet frightened of her as a child and didn't want to make S___ feel the same ever. I guess I
have again over done the indulging side.
A thing that makes me laugh to myself is that I teach in a further education college here in the UK and I can
get my kids at work to literally eat out of my hand and are as good as gold. Even the ones with ADHD etc.,
but my very own 12 year old girl -- well that’s another matter!
I love the site and have read the material over and over. I will stick to the 4 weeks with vivid interest, and
I can see how the techniques you promote will help me in my job as a lecturer too.
Keep the good work. With kind regards,
J.
===========================================================================
Just a quick note to say thank you for your program. You have done a really great job on this and it was
very affordable. My mother bought me ‘The Total Transformation’ – a $300 program! – while I must say
that any additional tools I get out of it will be worth any cost, I honestly received more helpful information
out of your program. My son and I were going down a very ugly spiral – I am a single mom and always the
“bad guy”. He got to the point that he simply defied the punishments and the behavior got worse each day.
It has only been a month and school has been out for the last couple weeks, but I feel like we are making
progress. This gave us a new direction and I have had much more PEACE! One of the biggest problem areas
is the failing grades at school – it really took a load off of me to stop micro-managing that area. Since he had
been totally grounded for so long and really got worse when he was simply “ungrounded” altogether, I had
him earn the free time by getting passing grades. If he works at school and does homework, it gives him
enough “earned time” that he is essentially ungrounded. It also transitioned our house from “negative
consequences for bad behavior” to “positive response for good behavior”. The biggest turn around was
lowing the bar to the point he couldn’t fail – “Come home from school on time today and you can have an
hour of free time tonight”. It gave him a light at the end of the tunnel that he did not have before – and he
ran to it!
Thanks,
A.
===========================================================================
You have given us so much relief by responding to our questions. Thank you very, very much. Your book
is great, and we can't tell you how much we appreciate your dedication to teaching parents how to deal with
difficult kids, like the one we have! -- B. & B.
===========================================================================
It was a Godsend to speak to you, and again -- I thank you!
I am better today. Lia is home. I tried your the technique you teach of "give some praise through a wired
shut by anger mouth"... :-) ..., yesterday on Lia. She DID the dishes, 1st time out and good.
After she finished them I said "TTTttttttthhhhhhaaannnnnkkkkk (aaarrrgggggggaAAaag) Yyyyyoooouuuu.
You did the dishes great and even put them away without being asked. Want to help with dinner?"...
I swear she stood frozen, like a deer cemented in headlights, and eventually said "sure". So today is a new
day. A thankful while hopeful day for the ONE day of peace I had yesterday and for the hope of adding
another day today. It is at least a start. Thank you!
Take Care,
D.
===========================================================================
Thank you so much for being available -- I still can't get over your generosity! It seems amazing to me that
I have no one to talk to about these things, and I need to rely on a stranger half way around the world -- but
God bless you for your work -- things have really improved since I started this process -- it was so out of
control, and overwhelming. -- L.W.
===========================================================================
Hi Mark,
It has taken longer than necessary for me to complete this program, but I have finally done it! During these
past few weeks, my husband and I have been implementing many steps, successfully. Our son, Daniel, has
been completing his weekly chores with not much complaint. The times that he forgets (or for some reason
doesn't complete the chores) we deduct from his allowance. There haven't been any big blow-ups around
here, and the few irritable times we've had have been much less stressful. Once school begins in a couple of
weeks, we might have some tense times, but I do feel prepared for them now. Also, I re-took the quiz; the
first time I scored in the 80s, today I scored a 56. I really do thank you very, very much. This is a great
program and I will be re-reading it many times.
I would love the certificate as well. I hope it's ok to email you from time to time to say hi and fill you in on
our progress.
Enjoy your summer,
S.B.
===========================================================================
Hello Mark,
I have successfully (I think) completed your program with my 14-year-old daughter and things are WAY
better. It has been a rough two years, and though I’m no fool and know there's more to come, your program
has helped me stop what felt was a runaway train. -- T.H.
===========================================================================
Nothing has helped as much as this common sense advice. We've been to counseling, read books, you name
it. We can't even put into words what we owe you. Thank you so much for your help. -- L.A.
===========================================================================
Tara and I joined your website for our 16 year old quite a few months back. Let me say this after having
gone through many different programs for difficult teenagers, your program is very solid. We have told our
current counselors and connections about it so that other parents may use your very good resources, too.
Our son is to the point now where he no longer argues. – T.M.
===========================================================================
Dear Mark,
Had to write to tell you that we have completed your course. Other parents need to know it is not an easy
change to make but as you explained it was well worth it. I know that we will still experience some bumpy
times but we are feeling a bit more confident as we continue to practice the skills. Our household is certainly
seeing the difference and we feel more prepared to deal with our 15 year old daughter as she progresses
through these teenage years.
A lot of what we learned has also enabled us to utilize it with our two sons who are in their 20s as well. One
thing I think we especially learned was that it is never too late to be an assertive parent and be a change agent
in our children's lives. You do have to recognize when you aren't being assertive and willing to make the
needed changes for your sake and theirs, too.
After reading your autonomy section under Summary Points, the muddy waters cleared for us even further.
We have re-instituted family meetings with ALL members of the family as much as possible so that no one is
singled out. We have established a family support system and letting all of them know there is no shame in
asking for help when you need it. Running away will not solve anything. House rules, fair-fighting, decision-
making, etc. have been established. We continue to do your assignments and are getting better at them, too.
Best of all, this has made our marriage stronger! We remind each other about the "arts" of saying yes and no.
We work together on earned privileges and consequences. We've learned more than we want to know about
"underground punk". Most of all, we are hopeful that there will be living left for us when the kids all leave
home because before that we felt drained. They do all leave home, eventually, don't they?
Just kidding, as we do believe assertive parenting will accomplish that. It is interesting, though, how you can
fall into passive or aggressive parenting easily if you are not on guard. It is easier to see it in other parents
first. Thanks again for your program and knowing that you will be there for us in the days, weeks and
months ahead.
If there is anything we can do to "give back" please let us know. We do plan to "pay it forward" and steer
parents to your program if they ask us how we managed to cope with our out-of-control teenager.
Sincerely,
G. & J.
===========================================================================
Thank you for your concern for others. My husband and I were at the end of our ropes. I prayed for
wisdom and God certainly answered my prayer. I have already tried some things on the first week actually
the day I ordered this and to my amazement - they worked!! I had already been thinking the turmoil was like
a drug for my daughter and I was right. Thank you so much and God Bless you! – E.H.
===========================================================================
Dear Mark,
I just want to thank you. My family is in the middle of a great deal of turmoil. My husband of almost 25 years
asked me for a divorce in November of 2008. Since then, our daughter has ran away twice, cut her arm and
spent a week in an inpatient psychiatric facility, has totally changed her dress and her set of friends and has
been diagnosed with depression and was placed on medications.
What I found interesting is how much she seemed to be feeding into the diagnosis of "depression" and her
"anger issues". I also noticed that the medications actually made her more miserable - and her defiant
behavior escalated. Your ebook has helped so much and I am only in the first week!
I have fired the counselors, weaned my child off medications and I am ready to begin the work of becoming
a stronger, more focused parent. My soon to be ex-husband has also agreed to purchase the program and we
intend on working it together to get our daughter back on track.
I thank you for your help and guidance. Please pray for my family as I will for yours.
Sincerely,
L.D.
===========================================================================
Dear Mark,
I wanted to say thank you for all your support, sound advice, and speedy responses last year. You were the
only person I could speak with, and you helped me enormously.
Things turned out badly in the end because K moved out with his father, who buys him alcohol, has no rules,
etc. But I am so grateful for your help because I know that I did everything humanly possible to get K back
on track, and I did it in a way that was genuinely trying to be support of him. And indeed, he really reduced
his aggression and changed many behaviours, but his father incited him to further disobedience, and paid
him off with money, etc.
Before K left I told him I couldn't stop him moving out but that I was concerned for his wellbeing, and that
he was welcome to stay with me, but there were rules. I also emailed him before he left, to say that I believed
he had strengths and could turn his life around and be happy, and that I wished him well.
He has not been in contact at all for nearly 6 months - and in some ways I think this is better because if he
was coming in and out of the house he would be a bad influence on his younger brother and sister. And if he
is not interested in any genuine interactions with me and is living a bad life then it would just be more painful
to see him, and it wouldn't do him any good either.
All I can do for him now is pray - and indeed I do.
I will never forget your support Mark - when I was terrorised and totally overwhelmed you gave me the
strength and support, from half way around the world, that allowed me to do my very best for my son. God
bless you for your generosity of spirit and your great work.
With my best wishes & kind regards,
V.
===========================================================================
I have purchased your e-book and cd’s... just wanted to say how amazing your work is proving to be. I work
in psychiatry but have struggled to discipline my son and to understand his behaviour. I have put in to
practice the first week session and already it is working. Your insight into teenagers is amazing... it was like
you had written it all for my son and I. Thank you, a thousand times, thank you. I’ll keep you informed of
J__’s progress, my 16 year old out of control teenager!
T.
===========================================================================
Mark,
I just wanted to follow up to let you know that your program is spot-on! I am just starting Session 3 in your
materials and using the suggestions in my household with my 14 year old twins. They are blown away with
my lack of engagement with their verbal attacks, behaviors and disrespect. I'm following your advice and
using my words and actions carefully, as well as being consistent, and they are totally confused as to what
happened to me. I simply refuse to let them get me angry or engage in their misbehavior; then I talk to them
about consequences of continued behavior. It took several days of me calmly repeating myself with these
new rules, one of them is getting it right away while the other is a bit more resistant but is coming to realize
that she can't push my buttons anymore.
Thank you so much for making this program so affordable and supportive for the parent!!! I think we will
make it through the next four years in a much calmer household.
D.B.
===========================================================================
Hi Mark,
I emailed you in August when we were really concerned with our daughter (not attending school for over 6
months etc). We followed your programme through (thoroughly for the first 3 weeks), and had a break for
work reasons, now we are looking at the 4th week. I thought you would like to know that our daughter has
started her new school and not missed a day for the first half term. We still get some outbursts, but not as
intense as they were. We’ve made the programme work for our family, just now A___ was flaring up and
being rude. She had her warning, and as she continued was grounded for 24 hours. We start it from when
she puts her mobile phone on our mantelpiece. Within 5 minutes A___ had done that, and gone up to her
room, no longer arguing that she has lost phone/computer etc. The change has been that she is more like a
normal teenager now, with the ‘normal’ strops and behaviour, and not someone we cannot control. For the
first time in 18 months I have taken A___ to doctors and dentist appointments – she wouldn’t have come
before.
Thanks for your initial email to me, and thank you so much for the programme – our daughter is coming
back to us at last.
M.
===========================================================================
Dear Mr. Hutten:
I already listen to and read the first and second week and did my homework. I was amazed how well my son
responded to me when I humbled myself, admitted that I made some mistakes in my parenting, apologized
for it and told him that I would be making some changes. By coincidence his school sent me a note telling me
that he didn't do too well on a science test and is on the borderline of failing the subject. I admitted to my
son who is 16 that I wasn't paying too much attention to his school work lately and that was the first thing I
would change. I suggested that we sit down and work out a study plan where we would study together 1/2
hour every day at the same time. We will do this tomorrow. He was very receptive, didn't argue with me and
so far is going along with me. I think he responded so well because I didn't put him on the spot or on the
defensive and saw myself more in the role of a consultant than a manager. It is not easy to get rid of old
habits, but I will work hard on changing my parenting skills. I was ready to give up on him and have him live
with his father. Your parental support gave me a glimmer of hope and made me realize that my son is like
you said "work in progress", and giving up on him and handing over my parental responsibilities to my ex-
husband would be a big mistake. I love my son too much to bail out on him like that and with OPS I have a
better chance to be the mother my son needs.
Thank you so much.
E.
===========================================================================
I am so thankful and blessed I found your website. I am incorporating your suggestions into my life with my
15-year-old daughter – and things are going so much better. We are both trying and, though she still goes to
counseling, I feel like I have tools to work with her now. Thanks a $$$million and God Bless You!
J.
===========================================================================
I have been using your program for about a month now, I am on chapter 3, and I have to tell you----THANK
YOU!!!!! I finally have had PEACE in my life. My children are doing their chores. I have not argued with
my teenager (15) during all this time. Life is good again, and I feel confident and supported. My husband and
I were making mistakes without even knowing. I'll keep you posted. So far so good!!! F.J.
===========================================================================
==> An email from Mark's boss, the Chief Probation Officer, Madison Superior Court, Division II:
It must be gratifying to hear such positive feedback about your work. I know I haven't said this in a while,
but I am very glad to have you here, working with "our" kids. I appreciate your insight and your "heart" for
these kids.
I just watched "Take the Lead", which is based on a true story about a man who made a commitment to teach
ballroom dancing to inner city kids in New York who were in "detention" for the remainder of the school
year. No one else would work with them. His message to them was simple: have enough confidence in
yourself to lead; enough trust in yourself to follow; and to always show respect for others. Very powerful
stuff.
There are only a few of you around, Mark. Keep doing what you love - it shows. -- Katherine
the beginning of many! It works, it really works! You are a God send!
THANK GOD!! WOOHOOO -- B.I.
Teachers write:
"So far today D___ has continued to surprise me. He has done wonderfully. Way to go
mom. Now we know the rest of the story and what needs to be done to get his attention.
He is a great kid!!!"
"I wanted you to know that D___ had a terrific day yesterday. He finish all the
assignments he was missing and he raised his hand the correct way to get help. He
followed all the rules just like he was supposed to do. He earned his behavior clip and he
seemed to be very proud of it. He has come in this morning and without my telling him he
started to work. I am seeing a totally different kid and I love it. I will try to let you know
more later."
===========================================================================
Thanks Mark. After reading some of your ebook, it makes me realize areas we have to work on. Not ONE
counselor we've ever seen has ever made more sense -- we've wasted hours in counseling. We are going to
take some positive steps forward now. -- E. & P.
===========================================================================
Mark Hutten,
You completely rock!! I am only on Week #1, and I am already seeing a change. I am so impressed with
your web site. I keep finding more and more good, helpful stuff! Thank you and your staff so much! May
God bless you as you help us one child at a time to stop the insanity of out of control kids. -- O.C.
===========================================================================
Today, I spoke to my son's former counselor (whom I was asking for a referral for another counseling,
which I did before I found your ebook). I told her, “I think I don't need it for now,” because I found your
site. I gave her your site and told her to spread the word about your ebook, since her job deals with parents
and kids of similar problems.
In a week's time, I've seen a great change. Now my 2nd son (AJ) asks permission before he goes out of the
house and calls me when he can't come home on the agreed time. I can also see some smiles on his face little
by little.
Thanks again for all the help! -- A.D.
===========================================================================
Thanks again Mark. I have been very impressed with your advice and felt I should "pay it forward" as we
feel we are getting such extreme value for our money. As such, I sent your web mail address to the doctor
who was "trying" to help us. Our son was so extremely disrespectful during our visit with the doctor that he
was exasperated at the end and told us there was nothing more he could do and so we should consider
kicking him out at 18 and prior to that, send him to a home for "raging" teens if his behaviour continued.
I also note that our doctor has a Psychology degree.
I know he has many cases such as ours, so I sent him your website to pass on to other parents who would
benefit from this resource.
Kindest regards,
S.
===========================================================================
Good morning Mark;
Just started reading your Ebook and WOW, even if my daughter who is 14 is not as bad as some, just dealing
with small issues compared to some, I just have this calming feeling that we are going to be ok and I started
the techniques from Assignment 1 and already can see a look of astonishment on my daughters face.
So on that note - Thank you and I am looking forward to what else the program has to offer.
Thanks Mark, everything you state just in the first 30 odd pages hit the nail on the head!
Have a wonderful day - because my daughter and I will try too!
J.S.
===========================================================================
Hi, I just want to say that these 3 weeks since I bought your program have been the best I have had in a
while. My daughters are doing great, no arguments, there is respect, and they are doing their chores---Thank
you! I feel so in control these days. I hope to keep it up. There is hope, I have followed the program, and I
have noticed that just a few adjustments go a long way in the behaviour of children. They cannot see you out
of control. K.H.
===========================================================================
Mark-
I am only on the second week of your program, but I am already seeing an amazing and positive difference
in my daughter. We have struggled with her behavior since she was 9 months old. I was humbled and
astounded to learn that I was a big part of the problem in the way that I was reacting to her. We actually
have some peace in our home and she even hugs us and says “I love you” on a regular basis. She has even
begun apologizing for getting angry and being unreasonable.
The next step is to help her bring her grades up and stay out of trouble at school. I have every confidence
that we have turned a corner and I’m referring everyone I know to your program.
Thank you! -- T.E.
===========================================================================
I should mention our successes. Last week, our son received a merit award at school assembly for his
‘amazing improvements’ in class. He was also sent to the headmaster to show him a piece of creative writing
he’d done, which was beautiful, detailed and above all way beyond what he was asked to do (he had been
doing absolute minimum, and nowhere near what he is capable of). The headmaster wrote him a note of
congratulations, which he proudly brought home. Mark, I just want you to know this is completely
unprecedented. I believe it is entirely due to the changes we’ve made at home by following the program .
As you mentioned, it is going to take some time to turn around behaviour that has become habit over 11
years, and I’m sure there are continuing challenges ahead, but we really want to thank you this program,
and the insight and support it provides.
Best regards,
L.
===========================================================================
Dear Mark,
I am sure you have heard it all before...but I was (am) at my wits in with my 15-year-old son. We have made
our first appearance in the court for his truancy. He attends school every day, but he "skips" the detention
classes and our district is strict on it's policy and counts this as an absent.
He is failing every class except Gym and a sports fitness class. They are very low F's in the 20-30%, which
tells me he is just physically there and not contributing at all. It started last year, new school he played
football his 8th grade year, he is a very good athlete. His grades started to fail and the school couldn't let
him play basketball. He gave up when they took his sports away from him. Even after informing him that
if he brought his grades up he could be a starter on the varsity team his freshman year. He wouldn't do the
schoolwork to get him back on track again.
All he does now is come home and shut the door to his room, play online video games. Never speaks unless
he wants something. I know that I spoiled him, over indulgence. His dad and I have been divorced for 13
years, and we have always put him first. His dad and I have been close and remain so. I have been remarried
for 11 years, and my son and husband don't have much respect for each other.
So when I came across your website and ebook, I bought it right away! I am so excited to have access to this
knowledge. We are to start family therapy in January through our local University, which was ordered by
the court. I felt I needed something right away, and I am so glad I came upon your program. I look forward
to working the program and having a relationship with my son again.
I never thought that my over indulgence with my son would cause all the behavior that we have been
experiencing in the house. Just about every "symptom" of over indulgence you have explained, he is (we
are) experiencing.
I love my son. I want to see him succeed in life and in love. Besides his bad behavior and lack of academic
success, he is a good kid. I believe with the help of your program, I can possibly get my entire family back
on track again. So thank you, I just feel this is my answer.
This program makes a lot of sense to me. I appreciate the straight talk and not a bunch of lists and personal
research. I need help now and that is what I feel this offers.
Thanks again.
Sincerely,
C.R.
===========================================================================
Dear Mark,
I ordered your ebook and talked to you on the phone about my daughter a while back and just wanted to
say thank you and let you know that your methods work for us! As you predicted, first the frequency of
conflicts decreased at first and then later the intensity decreased. And better yet, the conflicts we have now
are about less critical matters, for example, over staying on the internet too long rather than over staying
out with unsavory friends too late. We communicate much better, too.
Again, thank you for what you are doing, and for being there to help so many parents like me who have
been overwhelmed with raising teenagers.
S.
===========================================================================
Good morning Mark,
Oh my God, it is actually working. Adam has now been back at home 2 days and last night he tried pushing
our buttons again, with no success. We remained calm and told he we didn't want to argue. He wanted to use
the car to go to his friend’s house and we said that he had nothing to earn the use of the car. We told him if he
did his homework he could use it and he chose not to, so he walked. Before he left he said something odd he
said "you guys aren't talking to me", I said "I don't know what you mean, we talked all through dinner and
after dinner (when we insisted he do dishes).....". Anyway, you know what we didn't do, we didn't yell and
scream and I guess he thought that we hadn't talked to him because of it....very strange. We said we loved
him before he went to bed and this morning before he left and asked him to make good choices today. My
husband has a hard time telling him that he loves him, but he did it, I was very proud of him. Actually, I
think we both have a hard time saying "I love you" right now, because he has been so awful to be around.
I guess you might not really want an update, but I just needed to tell you because I was soooo impressed.
Oh, one more thing, our son is severe ADHD to a point that his pediatrician refers to him as a "case study"
and has agreed to keep him on as a patient until he is 18 instead of 16.
J.
===========================================================================
In reading your book, I realized that there are others out there that have exactly the same problems as
I do, and who are making exactly the same mistakes as I was -- and that there are people like yourself that
advocate what I believed in. This has helped me gain the strength I needed to tackle the onslaught. And let
me tell you that this is exactly what it has been the last 3 weeks.
I put the expectations and responsibilities with the earning or loss of privileges on paper, and when I handed
it to my son and wanted to discuss it with him – well, almighty hell broke loose! And this continued for a
whole week – constant swearing and telling me he will not adhere to it and I will not control him.
Although battered and bruised by the emotional experience, I am proud of myself -- I did it! I put my poker
face on and stuck to my guns. A week later, although he is still not earning any pocket money (as he refuses
to do what I have put on the list), he did come to me and ask what he needed to do to get his computer back.
We are now at the un-grounding point (and the 'get the computer back' point) as he has managed to go a
whole week without loosing his temper and swearing. He still does have the attitude that he will not do what
is on the list, but I am watching him carefully -- and have been able to keep the discipline in place for the
relevant things I put on the list. -- G.D.
===========================================================================
I am an Officer in the Canadian Forces Reserve (CIC) and my Branch of the CF deals with youth training
(ages 12 to 19). I currently command my own unit. I am always dealing with youth who are either out-of-
control, or have a tendency to get out-of-control. I also work with a Special Needs camp for teens with
behavioral problems, and melt-downs are not uncommon. I have found your e-book and power point
presentations an excellent source of information at opening up the line of communication with these kids.
My own children are 4 and 6. They are not out-of-control teens, but I feel that the information you have
given me will allow me to set the ground rules to allow for a great "teen experience". I am fully aware of
"inclusion," and I empower my kids now to behave well for me by allowing them to set the limits in a task,
trip, or outing, so they feel like it's there work paying off. I know at age 6 the concept may be lost, but I feel
what they learn from it will allow me to understand how to keep those lines of communication open down
the road.
I would like to thank you for such great material. I hope I can change the lives of many more teens, as I
have done much so far. However, it is only those who really want to change their lives that I have been
able to help. They must make that decision as they under go their own journey. -- T.T.
===========================================================================
I will tell you that I've done the first two steps and I'm still reading, but I wanted to have a copy handy
electronically to build a cheat sheet and mold my mantras. Thanks so much for writing this, I was a little
hesitant at first when I was browsing your site...but in the end, I was more like...it can't hurt and if it teaches
me one thing...then for that I will be a better parent.
Your statement you make in the first step "I have an obligation to you, my child, as a parent to..." That
statement alone made me a better parent. I've said it to my son and I've said to others in my life who would
like to be a bigger priority in my life. This statement has made things even more clear to me...as a single
parent and for that I'll always be grateful. Thanks again.
Sign me "an obligated parent who gladly accepts the honor of releasing into this world (eventually) an
upstanding, independent, responsible, young, adult male."
Gracefully,
R.V.
===========================================================================
Dear Mark,
I wanted to let you know we have completed the first section of program and are starting on section 2.
Today I had the challenge of saying no and sticking to it when my son wanted me to make an exception to
a consequence he was given for skipping school = (Car is parked) and dishonesty when he told me he would
take my truck to the gym, only to find out he did not go to the gym at all = (Loss of cell phone). This morning
he told me he hated me and that he wished I would get into a car accident on the way home from driving him
to school. I was able to apply the art of removing my myself from his comments emotionally and better yet,
when he called me later to ask again if he could go to his girlfriends (because he was doing better in school
and really trying) I was able to say no, and that I am proud he is doing better in school, however, I gave the
reason for the continued consequence. I was ready to say, I will not argue, and didn’t have to as he said okay
and then apologized for saying what he said to me this morning. I then was able to tell him that he gets angry
and says those things as he has trouble expressing emotions. (I had written ALL the points down today and
they were in front of me when he called.) I said we would need to work on this and that I love him very much.
We ended the conversation without further problems.
You have to understand that he has been out of control for almost a year now so this was a huge step in the
right direction.
I know this is just a start, but it feels so good to have some tools to use that really work. Thank-you so much
and I will keep you posted. -- S.S.
===========================================================================
I have worked for the school for over twenty years in various positions including therapist, Director of
Residential Life, Dean of Counseling, Dean of Students. Recently we have established the position of Parent
Liaison to assist parents with the challenges of having their son in a boarding school and I have moved into
this role. In addition to being a mentor for the parents, I will also be conducting parenting workshops
through the year.
I am also working on a school based web site that will offer assistance to our parents, and am pleased to be
offering a link to your web site and book. Your book and web site is an excellent source of guidance and
support for all parents, not just those of troubled teens.
Best regards,
Jim Graves, MC
Parent Liaison
St. Paul's Preparatory Academy
Educating Young Men Since 1961
===========================================================================
I downloaded your ebook a while ago, and it is great. I have spoken to you for help along the way. My
children's names are E____ (who has ASD), M____ (she's 11), and J____ (he's 13 with some ASD
difficulties).
I am a Qualified Primary schoolteacher and have been specialising in helping parents and students in the
area of 'challenging behaviour'. Recently I changed my job and am now working with a lot of schools around
creating safer emotional and physical environments. This means working with teachers, students, parents
and the communities. I was wondering if you have anything in New Zealand as far as training is concerned,
as a lot of the difficulties that the parents are coming across would be massively helped with your teachings.
They are surrounded by professionals who are still talking about time-out consequences and behaviour
reinforcements. Many of these parents have had years of this, and as you say have 'dipped in and out' often
depending on how much they could cope with at the time. Many of them are at the stage of having pre teens
with all the new emotional stresses and behaviours. Many of these parents could not afford to buy your
ebook because of the exchange rate -- and they get me for free if it is through the school. Although I have
done some private trainings around explosive behaviours, anxiety, stress and visual learning.
I am a qualified N.L.P. trainer and practitioner and was wondering if there was any way we could get this
information over to NZ. Anyway, if you could think of any thing that might help please let me know.
I would be happy to do some training if that was possible. Many thanks for your time. -- L. A.
===========================================================================
Hi Mark,
I just signed up for the Online Parent Support and have just completed Week #1.
After years of misbehaviour and conflict I took my daughter (just turned 11) to see a Pediatrician, on the
recommendation of my family physician. After my first visit and interview with the Pediatrician, I was told
that "if you look up ODD in the dictionary, you would likely see a picture of your daughter". We talked a
little about this disorder and when I left his office I actually felt some relief that there was a reason my
daughter behaves the way she does.
When I got home I went onto the internet wanting to find out as much as possible about this disorder so I
could have a better understanding what was going on with her. During my research, I found your Online
Parent Support website. As I read through some of the information, I thought this was exacting what I was
looking for. When I signed up for the course I was desperate for answers as to why my daughter behaves
and responds they way she does.
Since completing Week #1, I have found that this is just as much about my "self discovery" as a person and
as a parent as it is about my daughter. How I react and interact with her is key. I have implemented many
of the suggestions and techniques, and they have worked beautifully in defusing many situations that would
have, otherwise, ended up in huge explosions, tantrums and hurt feelings.
Also, understanding this oppositional, defiant behaviour has given me so much more insight and compassion
and, as a result, has given me the strength to stay calm, not react and to let go of the small things.
Thank you for providing this online parent support, I'm truly looking forward to Weeks 2-4.
Sincerely,
G.W.
===========================================================================
Would you recommend this program to friends or family?
Definitely. I have recommended it many times already.
Did you get a timely response to your emails?
I have not needed to email yet, But Mark has kept to his word on everything else, so I am confident emails
would be timely.
What was the most helpful feature of Online Parent Support?
When I started the program, I felt so lost and helpless. Mark said things that made me swear he knew my
child personally. Everything I read seemed to be about my child. This was how I knew this program was
different, and that it could work. The steps were easy to follow, and the results were fast. When we took
the parenting quiz, I scored an 80 and my husband scored 100. This really opened our eyes. Now all 3 of
my children are happier and easier to deal with.
What was the least helpful?
I cannot think of one thing I would change about this program. Thank you so much.
Additional Comments:
My child had been on medication for ADD for several years. It never seemed to help the way we hoped.
His anger was out of control and most of the walls in our home had holes from him punching them. He was
violent with his siblings and distant from us. I found your program while looking for a treatment facility to
send him away to. I knew it was not safe for his brother and sister if he stayed in our home. About 2 and a
half weeks into your program we were able to take him off the medication and he continued to improve. (His
doctor insisted we were making a huge mistake and that medication was the only way to help him.) He is
changing into a more confident self-controlled person thanks to your program. He used to scream at me how
much he hated me. Now when he does not get his way he will yell, “Why are you such a good parent??? God,
I love you so much!! Why can't you be a rotten parent like my friends parents???” He will try to sound
angry, but he is letting me know he is happier with the way things are now. He is learning to diffuse tense
situations as well. We have both become better people. Thank you for giving me my son back.
K.K.
===========================================================================
Hi Mark,
Your web site has given me and my partner a great deal of hope with our daughter. She is 12 but I can see
already that with our "over parenting & over indulging" that it hasn’t done S___ any favours at all.
I thought that one of the key areas you wrote about was very interesting to me, was the topic that as parents
you shouldn't feel guilty for trying your very best & to take time out to look after yourself. I constantly feel
guilty for being a working mum etc. My mother was very strict and I was afraid that I was treating S___ the
same as I was quiet frightened of her as a child and didn't want to make S___ feel the same ever. I guess I
have again over done the indulging side.
A thing that makes me laugh to myself is that I teach in a further education college here in the UK and I can
get my kids at work to literally eat out of my hand and are as good as gold. Even the ones with ADHD etc.,
but my very own 12 year old girl -- well that’s another matter!
I love the site and have read the material over and over. I will stick to the 4 weeks with vivid interest, and
I can see how the techniques you promote will help me in my job as a lecturer too.
Keep the good work. With kind regards,
J.
===========================================================================
Just a quick note to say thank you for your program. You have done a really great job on this and it was
very affordable. My mother bought me ‘The Total Transformation’ – a $300 program! – while I must say
that any additional tools I get out of it will be worth any cost, I honestly received more helpful information
out of your program. My son and I were going down a very ugly spiral – I am a single mom and always the
“bad guy”. He got to the point that he simply defied the punishments and the behavior got worse each day.
It has only been a month and school has been out for the last couple weeks, but I feel like we are making
progress. This gave us a new direction and I have had much more PEACE! One of the biggest problem areas
is the failing grades at school – it really took a load off of me to stop micro-managing that area. Since he had
been totally grounded for so long and really got worse when he was simply “ungrounded” altogether, I had
him earn the free time by getting passing grades. If he works at school and does homework, it gives him
enough “earned time” that he is essentially ungrounded. It also transitioned our house from “negative
consequences for bad behavior” to “positive response for good behavior”. The biggest turn around was
lowing the bar to the point he couldn’t fail – “Come home from school on time today and you can have an
hour of free time tonight”. It gave him a light at the end of the tunnel that he did not have before – and he
ran to it!
Thanks,
A.
===========================================================================
You have given us so much relief by responding to our questions. Thank you very, very much. Your book
is great, and we can't tell you how much we appreciate your dedication to teaching parents how to deal with
difficult kids, like the one we have! -- B. & B.
===========================================================================
It was a Godsend to speak to you, and again -- I thank you!
I am better today. Lia is home. I tried your the technique you teach of "give some praise through a wired
shut by anger mouth"... :-) ..., yesterday on Lia. She DID the dishes, 1st time out and good.
After she finished them I said "TTTttttttthhhhhhaaannnnnkkkkk (aaarrrgggggggaAAaag) Yyyyyoooouuuu.
You did the dishes great and even put them away without being asked. Want to help with dinner?"...
I swear she stood frozen, like a deer cemented in headlights, and eventually said "sure". So today is a new
day. A thankful while hopeful day for the ONE day of peace I had yesterday and for the hope of adding
another day today. It is at least a start. Thank you!
Take Care,
D.
===========================================================================
Thank you so much for being available -- I still can't get over your generosity! It seems amazing to me that
I have no one to talk to about these things, and I need to rely on a stranger half way around the world -- but
God bless you for your work -- things have really improved since I started this process -- it was so out of
control, and overwhelming. -- L.W.
===========================================================================
Hi Mark,
It has taken longer than necessary for me to complete this program, but I have finally done it! During these
past few weeks, my husband and I have been implementing many steps, successfully. Our son, Daniel, has
been completing his weekly chores with not much complaint. The times that he forgets (or for some reason
doesn't complete the chores) we deduct from his allowance. There haven't been any big blow-ups around
here, and the few irritable times we've had have been much less stressful. Once school begins in a couple of
weeks, we might have some tense times, but I do feel prepared for them now. Also, I re-took the quiz; the
first time I scored in the 80s, today I scored a 56. I really do thank you very, very much. This is a great
program and I will be re-reading it many times.
I would love the certificate as well. I hope it's ok to email you from time to time to say hi and fill you in on
our progress.
Enjoy your summer,
S.B.
===========================================================================
Hello Mark,
I have successfully (I think) completed your program with my 14-year-old daughter and things are WAY
better. It has been a rough two years, and though I’m no fool and know there's more to come, your program
has helped me stop what felt was a runaway train. -- T.H.
===========================================================================
Nothing has helped as much as this common sense advice. We've been to counseling, read books, you name
it. We can't even put into words what we owe you. Thank you so much for your help. -- L.A.
===========================================================================
Tara and I joined your website for our 16 year old quite a few months back. Let me say this after having
gone through many different programs for difficult teenagers, your program is very solid. We have told our
current counselors and connections about it so that other parents may use your very good resources, too.
Our son is to the point now where he no longer argues. – T.M.
===========================================================================
Dear Mark,
Had to write to tell you that we have completed your course. Other parents need to know it is not an easy
change to make but as you explained it was well worth it. I know that we will still experience some bumpy
times but we are feeling a bit more confident as we continue to practice the skills. Our household is certainly
seeing the difference and we feel more prepared to deal with our 15 year old daughter as she progresses
through these teenage years.
A lot of what we learned has also enabled us to utilize it with our two sons who are in their 20s as well. One
thing I think we especially learned was that it is never too late to be an assertive parent and be a change agent
in our children's lives. You do have to recognize when you aren't being assertive and willing to make the
needed changes for your sake and theirs, too.
After reading your autonomy section under Summary Points, the muddy waters cleared for us even further.
We have re-instituted family meetings with ALL members of the family as much as possible so that no one is
singled out. We have established a family support system and letting all of them know there is no shame in
asking for help when you need it. Running away will not solve anything. House rules, fair-fighting, decision-
making, etc. have been established. We continue to do your assignments and are getting better at them, too.
Best of all, this has made our marriage stronger! We remind each other about the "arts" of saying yes and no.
We work together on earned privileges and consequences. We've learned more than we want to know about
"underground punk". Most of all, we are hopeful that there will be living left for us when the kids all leave
home because before that we felt drained. They do all leave home, eventually, don't they?
Just kidding, as we do believe assertive parenting will accomplish that. It is interesting, though, how you can
fall into passive or aggressive parenting easily if you are not on guard. It is easier to see it in other parents
first. Thanks again for your program and knowing that you will be there for us in the days, weeks and
months ahead.
If there is anything we can do to "give back" please let us know. We do plan to "pay it forward" and steer
parents to your program if they ask us how we managed to cope with our out-of-control teenager.
Sincerely,
G. & J.
===========================================================================
Thank you for your concern for others. My husband and I were at the end of our ropes. I prayed for
wisdom and God certainly answered my prayer. I have already tried some things on the first week actually
the day I ordered this and to my amazement - they worked!! I had already been thinking the turmoil was like
a drug for my daughter and I was right. Thank you so much and God Bless you! – E.H.
===========================================================================
Dear Mark,
I just want to thank you. My family is in the middle of a great deal of turmoil. My husband of almost 25 years
asked me for a divorce in November of 2008. Since then, our daughter has ran away twice, cut her arm and
spent a week in an inpatient psychiatric facility, has totally changed her dress and her set of friends and has
been diagnosed with depression and was placed on medications.
What I found interesting is how much she seemed to be feeding into the diagnosis of "depression" and her
"anger issues". I also noticed that the medications actually made her more miserable - and her defiant
behavior escalated. Your ebook has helped so much and I am only in the first week!
I have fired the counselors, weaned my child off medications and I am ready to begin the work of becoming
a stronger, more focused parent. My soon to be ex-husband has also agreed to purchase the program and we
intend on working it together to get our daughter back on track.
I thank you for your help and guidance. Please pray for my family as I will for yours.
Sincerely,
L.D.
===========================================================================
Dear Mark,
I wanted to say thank you for all your support, sound advice, and speedy responses last year. You were the
only person I could speak with, and you helped me enormously.
Things turned out badly in the end because K moved out with his father, who buys him alcohol, has no rules,
etc. But I am so grateful for your help because I know that I did everything humanly possible to get K back
on track, and I did it in a way that was genuinely trying to be support of him. And indeed, he really reduced
his aggression and changed many behaviours, but his father incited him to further disobedience, and paid
him off with money, etc.
Before K left I told him I couldn't stop him moving out but that I was concerned for his wellbeing, and that
he was welcome to stay with me, but there were rules. I also emailed him before he left, to say that I believed
he had strengths and could turn his life around and be happy, and that I wished him well.
He has not been in contact at all for nearly 6 months - and in some ways I think this is better because if he
was coming in and out of the house he would be a bad influence on his younger brother and sister. And if he
is not interested in any genuine interactions with me and is living a bad life then it would just be more painful
to see him, and it wouldn't do him any good either.
All I can do for him now is pray - and indeed I do.
I will never forget your support Mark - when I was terrorised and totally overwhelmed you gave me the
strength and support, from half way around the world, that allowed me to do my very best for my son. God
bless you for your generosity of spirit and your great work.
With my best wishes & kind regards,
V.
===========================================================================
I have purchased your e-book and cd’s... just wanted to say how amazing your work is proving to be. I work
in psychiatry but have struggled to discipline my son and to understand his behaviour. I have put in to
practice the first week session and already it is working. Your insight into teenagers is amazing... it was like
you had written it all for my son and I. Thank you, a thousand times, thank you. I’ll keep you informed of
J__’s progress, my 16 year old out of control teenager!
T.
===========================================================================
Mark,
I just wanted to follow up to let you know that your program is spot-on! I am just starting Session 3 in your
materials and using the suggestions in my household with my 14 year old twins. They are blown away with
my lack of engagement with their verbal attacks, behaviors and disrespect. I'm following your advice and
using my words and actions carefully, as well as being consistent, and they are totally confused as to what
happened to me. I simply refuse to let them get me angry or engage in their misbehavior; then I talk to them
about consequences of continued behavior. It took several days of me calmly repeating myself with these
new rules, one of them is getting it right away while the other is a bit more resistant but is coming to realize
that she can't push my buttons anymore.
Thank you so much for making this program so affordable and supportive for the parent!!! I think we will
make it through the next four years in a much calmer household.
D.B.
===========================================================================
Hi Mark,
I emailed you in August when we were really concerned with our daughter (not attending school for over 6
months etc). We followed your programme through (thoroughly for the first 3 weeks), and had a break for
work reasons, now we are looking at the 4th week. I thought you would like to know that our daughter has
started her new school and not missed a day for the first half term. We still get some outbursts, but not as
intense as they were. We’ve made the programme work for our family, just now A___ was flaring up and
being rude. She had her warning, and as she continued was grounded for 24 hours. We start it from when
she puts her mobile phone on our mantelpiece. Within 5 minutes A___ had done that, and gone up to her
room, no longer arguing that she has lost phone/computer etc. The change has been that she is more like a
normal teenager now, with the ‘normal’ strops and behaviour, and not someone we cannot control. For the
first time in 18 months I have taken A___ to doctors and dentist appointments – she wouldn’t have come
before.
Thanks for your initial email to me, and thank you so much for the programme – our daughter is coming
back to us at last.
M.
===========================================================================
Dear Mr. Hutten:
I already listen to and read the first and second week and did my homework. I was amazed how well my son
responded to me when I humbled myself, admitted that I made some mistakes in my parenting, apologized
for it and told him that I would be making some changes. By coincidence his school sent me a note telling me
that he didn't do too well on a science test and is on the borderline of failing the subject. I admitted to my
son who is 16 that I wasn't paying too much attention to his school work lately and that was the first thing I
would change. I suggested that we sit down and work out a study plan where we would study together 1/2
hour every day at the same time. We will do this tomorrow. He was very receptive, didn't argue with me and
so far is going along with me. I think he responded so well because I didn't put him on the spot or on the
defensive and saw myself more in the role of a consultant than a manager. It is not easy to get rid of old
habits, but I will work hard on changing my parenting skills. I was ready to give up on him and have him live
with his father. Your parental support gave me a glimmer of hope and made me realize that my son is like
you said "work in progress", and giving up on him and handing over my parental responsibilities to my ex-
husband would be a big mistake. I love my son too much to bail out on him like that and with OPS I have a
better chance to be the mother my son needs.
Thank you so much.
E.
===========================================================================
I am so thankful and blessed I found your website. I am incorporating your suggestions into my life with my
15-year-old daughter – and things are going so much better. We are both trying and, though she still goes to
counseling, I feel like I have tools to work with her now. Thanks a $$$million and God Bless You!
J.
===========================================================================
I have been using your program for about a month now, I am on chapter 3, and I have to tell you----THANK
YOU!!!!! I finally have had PEACE in my life. My children are doing their chores. I have not argued with
my teenager (15) during all this time. Life is good again, and I feel confident and supported. My husband and
I were making mistakes without even knowing. I'll keep you posted. So far so good!!! F.J.
===========================================================================
==> An email from Mark's boss, the Chief Probation Officer, Madison Superior Court, Division II:
It must be gratifying to hear such positive feedback about your work. I know I haven't said this in a while,
but I am very glad to have you here, working with "our" kids. I appreciate your insight and your "heart" for
these kids.
I just watched "Take the Lead", which is based on a true story about a man who made a commitment to teach
ballroom dancing to inner city kids in New York who were in "detention" for the remainder of the school
year. No one else would work with them. His message to them was simple: have enough confidence in
yourself to lead; enough trust in yourself to follow; and to always show respect for others. Very powerful
stuff.
There are only a few of you around, Mark. Keep doing what you love - it shows. -- Katherine
| More emails... |
