Bullying: What To Do When Your Child Is Being Bullied
What To Do When Your Child Is Being Bullied
Teasing, taunting and other forms of bullying can cause serious emotional
harm to children that lasts much longer than the bloody nose or scraped
knees. Ignoring or excusing the behavior, saying things like "kids will be
kids," only perpetuates the situation.
Children who are bullied often experience low self-esteem and
depression, whereas those doing the bullying may go on to engage in
more destructive, antisocial behaviors as teens and adults. Bullies, who
often have been bullied themselves, may pick on others to feel powerful,
popular, important, or in control. Often, they antagonize the same
children repeatedly.
Bullying takes place in every school: On average, one student in 10 is
bullied at least once a week, and one in three has experienced bullying as
either a bully or a target during the average school term. The children
most likely to experience bullying are in fifth, sixth and seventh grades.
Boys are more likely to be involved than girls.
In a recent study, 86% of more than 1,200 9- to 13-year-old boys and
girls polled said they've seen someone else being bullied, 48% said
they've been bullied, and 42% admitted to bullying other kids at least
once in a while.
There are 6 types of bullying:
1. Physical bullying (hitting, kicking, taking things or returning things
damaged)
2. Verbal bullying (name-calling, taunting, insulting)
3. Emotional bullying (shunning, spreading nasty gossip)
4. Sexual bullying (unwanted physical contact or sexually abusive or
inappropriate comments)
5. Racist bullying (racial slurs, offensive gestures, or making jokes about
a child's cultural traditions)
6. Cyber bullying (spreading hurtful images and/or messages via email,
chat rooms, etc.)
The fear of being harassed in school gets in the way of learning, and
makes going to school a miserable experience. Being bullied can make
children feel lonely, unhappy and unsafe. Children who are being bullied
may develop stomachaches, nightmares, nervousness and anxiety.
Signs that a child is being bullied:
· inventing mysterious illnesses to avoid school (for example,
stomachaches, headaches, etc.)
· missing belongings or money
· sleeping problems
· bedwetting
· irritability
· poor concentration
· unexpected changes in routine
· problems with schoolwork
What parents can do:
If your child complains about being bullied at school, or if you suspect
that might be happening, here are some suggestions:
What's it like walking to the bus stop or home from school?
What's it like on the bus ride to and from school?
What happens on the playground during recess or before or after
school?
What happens in the hallways at school or during lunchtime?
Have any bullies in the neighborhood or at school threatened anyone
you know?
Do some kids you know get emails, instant messages, or text messages
that are upsetting, threatening, or insulting?
Teasing, taunting and other forms of bullying can cause serious emotional
harm to children that lasts much longer than the bloody nose or scraped
knees. Ignoring or excusing the behavior, saying things like "kids will be
kids," only perpetuates the situation.
Children who are bullied often experience low self-esteem and
depression, whereas those doing the bullying may go on to engage in
more destructive, antisocial behaviors as teens and adults. Bullies, who
often have been bullied themselves, may pick on others to feel powerful,
popular, important, or in control. Often, they antagonize the same
children repeatedly.
Bullying takes place in every school: On average, one student in 10 is
bullied at least once a week, and one in three has experienced bullying as
either a bully or a target during the average school term. The children
most likely to experience bullying are in fifth, sixth and seventh grades.
Boys are more likely to be involved than girls.
In a recent study, 86% of more than 1,200 9- to 13-year-old boys and
girls polled said they've seen someone else being bullied, 48% said
they've been bullied, and 42% admitted to bullying other kids at least
once in a while.
There are 6 types of bullying:
1. Physical bullying (hitting, kicking, taking things or returning things
damaged)
2. Verbal bullying (name-calling, taunting, insulting)
3. Emotional bullying (shunning, spreading nasty gossip)
4. Sexual bullying (unwanted physical contact or sexually abusive or
inappropriate comments)
5. Racist bullying (racial slurs, offensive gestures, or making jokes about
a child's cultural traditions)
6. Cyber bullying (spreading hurtful images and/or messages via email,
chat rooms, etc.)
The fear of being harassed in school gets in the way of learning, and
makes going to school a miserable experience. Being bullied can make
children feel lonely, unhappy and unsafe. Children who are being bullied
may develop stomachaches, nightmares, nervousness and anxiety.
Signs that a child is being bullied:
· inventing mysterious illnesses to avoid school (for example,
stomachaches, headaches, etc.)
· missing belongings or money
· sleeping problems
· bedwetting
· irritability
· poor concentration
· unexpected changes in routine
· problems with schoolwork
What parents can do:
If your child complains about being bullied at school, or if you suspect
that might be happening, here are some suggestions:
- Ask your child thoughtful questions, such as:
What's it like walking to the bus stop or home from school?
What's it like on the bus ride to and from school?
What happens on the playground during recess or before or after
school?
What happens in the hallways at school or during lunchtime?
Have any bullies in the neighborhood or at school threatened anyone
you know?
Do some kids you know get emails, instant messages, or text messages
that are upsetting, threatening, or insulting?
- Make it clear that you accept your child's reports of what is
happening and that you take them seriously. She needs to know
she has someone on her side who is willing to help her.
- Tell your child to hold the anger. It's natural to want to get really
upset with a bully, but that's exactly the response the bully is
aiming for. Not only will getting angry or violent not solve the
problem, it will only make it worse. Bullies want to know they have
control over your child's emotions. Each time they get a reaction
from your child, it adds fuel to the bully's fire — getting angry just
makes the bully feel more powerful.
- Reassure her that this situation can be resolved.
- At the same time, let her know that you do not think this is her
fault. Her confidence has already taken a big hit, and she already
feels like a victim.
- Remind your child to never get physical or bully back. Emphasize
that your child should never use physical force (like kicking, hitting,
or pushing) to deal with a bully. Not only does that show anger, but
your child can never be sure what the bully will do in response. Tell
your child that it's best to hang out with others, stay safe, and get
help from an adult.
- While it is natural to want to protect your child by solving the
problem for him, it will serve your child better if you teach him how
to solve the problem himself. By learning the skills to stand up for
himself, he can use them in other situations.
- Ask your child how she has been dealing with the bullying. Talk
about what else can be done and discuss what actions you can both
take to solve the problem. Reassure her you will consult her before
taking any action.
- Encourage your child to act brave, walk away, and ignore the bully.
Tell your child to look the bully in the eye and say something like,
"I want you to stop right now." Counsel your child to then walk
away and ignore any further taunts. Encourage your child to "walk
tall" and hold his or her head up high (using this type of body
language sends a message that your child isn't vulnerable).
- Teach your child how to respond to a bully in a bold, assertive way.
- Practice with him at home by role-playing. Participation in other
activities builds confidence and develops social skills, making it
easier to find ways of saying, "Leave me alone."
- Suggest that your child stick with two or more other children when
at the playground, the bus stop or wherever she comes face-to-face
with the bully.
- Teach your child to use humor as a distraction. In a situations
where your child has to deal with a bully and can't walk away with
poise, tell him or her to use humor or offer a compliment to throw
the bully off guard. However, tell your child not to use humor to
make fun of the bully.
- Make sure your child knows it is okay to ask for help from a
teacher or other adult. Practice what he'll say so he doesn't sound
like he's whining or tattling.
- Emphasize that it's very important to tell an adult. Teachers,
principals, parents, and lunchroom personnel at school can all help
to stop it. Studies show that schools where principals crack down on
this type of behavior have less bullying.
- Determine if your child has healthy friendships with other children.
If not, perhaps she can benefit by developing better social skills.
- Encourage her to invite friends over to your home and participate
in school activities.
- It may help your child to talk to a guidance counselor, teacher, or
friend — anyone who can give the support your child needs. Talking
can be a good outlet for the fears and frustrations that can build
when your child is being bullied.
- If necessary, meet with school representatives to discuss the
problem.
- Encourage regular play or social visits with other children at your
home. Being in a group with other kids may help to build your
child's self-esteem and give your child a larger group of positive
peers to spend time with and turn to.
- Remember, bullying is not a normal part of growing up. Help your
child develop the necessary tools to stick up for himself and others.
- Advise your child to use the buddy system. Enlisting the help of
friends or a group may help both your child and others stand up to
bullies. The bully wants to be recognized and feel powerful, after all,
so a lot of bullying takes part in the presence of peers. If the bully is
picking on another child, tell your child to point out to the bully that
his or her behavior is unacceptable and is no way to treat another
person.
 |
| |
 |
| The ONLY book you'll EVER need to stop bullying. |
 |
 |