| Bullying: What To Do When Your Child Is Being Bullied |
What To Do When Your Child Is Being Bullied
Teasing, taunting and other forms of bullying can cause serious emotional
harm to children that lasts much longer than the bloody nose or scraped
knees. Ignoring or excusing the behavior, saying things like "kids will be
kids," only perpetuates the situation.
Children who are bullied often experience low self-esteem and depression, whereas those doing the
bullying may go on to engage in more destructive, antisocial behaviors as teens and adults. Bullies,
who often have been bullied themselves, may pick on others to feel powerful, popular, important, or
in control. Often, they antagonize the same children repeatedly.
Bullying takes place in every school: On average, one student in 10 is bullied at least once a week, and
one in three has experienced bullying as either a bully or a target during the average school term. The
children most likely to experience bullying are in fifth, sixth and seventh grades. Boys are more likely
to be involved than girls.
In a recent study, 86% of more than 1,200 9- to 13-year-old boys and girls polled said they've seen
someone else being bullied, 48% said they've been bullied, and 42% admitted to bullying other kids at
least once in a while.
There are 6 types of bullying:
1. Physical bullying (hitting, kicking, taking things or returning things damaged)
2. Verbal bullying (name-calling, taunting, insulting)
3. Emotional bullying (shunning, spreading nasty gossip)
4. Sexual bullying (unwanted physical contact or sexually abusive or
inappropriate comments)
5. Racist bullying (racial slurs, offensive gestures, or making jokes about
a child's cultural traditions)
6. Cyber bullying (spreading hurtful images and/or messages via email, chat rooms, etc.)
The fear of being harassed in school gets in the way of learning, and makes going to school a miserable
experience. Being bullied can make children feel lonely, unhappy and unsafe. Children who are being
bullied may develop stomachaches, nightmares, nervousness and anxiety.
Signs that a child is being bullied:
· inventing mysterious illnesses to avoid school (for example, stomachaches, headaches, etc.)
· missing belongings or money
· sleeping problems
· bedwetting
· irritability
· poor concentration
· unexpected changes in routine
· problems with schoolwork
What parents can do:
If your child complains about being bullied at school, or if you suspect that might be happening, here
are some suggestions:
What's it like walking to the bus stop or home from school?
What's it like on the bus ride to and from school?
What happens on the playground during recess or before or after school?
What happens in the hallways at school or during lunchtime?
Have any bullies in the neighborhood or at school threatened anyone you know?
Do some kids you know get emails, instant messages, or text messages that are upsetting,
threatening, or insulting?
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Teasing, taunting and other forms of bullying can cause serious emotional
harm to children that lasts much longer than the bloody nose or scraped
knees. Ignoring or excusing the behavior, saying things like "kids will be
kids," only perpetuates the situation.
Children who are bullied often experience low self-esteem and depression, whereas those doing the
bullying may go on to engage in more destructive, antisocial behaviors as teens and adults. Bullies,
who often have been bullied themselves, may pick on others to feel powerful, popular, important, or
in control. Often, they antagonize the same children repeatedly.
Bullying takes place in every school: On average, one student in 10 is bullied at least once a week, and
one in three has experienced bullying as either a bully or a target during the average school term. The
children most likely to experience bullying are in fifth, sixth and seventh grades. Boys are more likely
to be involved than girls.
In a recent study, 86% of more than 1,200 9- to 13-year-old boys and girls polled said they've seen
someone else being bullied, 48% said they've been bullied, and 42% admitted to bullying other kids at
least once in a while.
There are 6 types of bullying:
1. Physical bullying (hitting, kicking, taking things or returning things damaged)
2. Verbal bullying (name-calling, taunting, insulting)
3. Emotional bullying (shunning, spreading nasty gossip)
4. Sexual bullying (unwanted physical contact or sexually abusive or
inappropriate comments)
5. Racist bullying (racial slurs, offensive gestures, or making jokes about
a child's cultural traditions)
6. Cyber bullying (spreading hurtful images and/or messages via email, chat rooms, etc.)
The fear of being harassed in school gets in the way of learning, and makes going to school a miserable
experience. Being bullied can make children feel lonely, unhappy and unsafe. Children who are being
bullied may develop stomachaches, nightmares, nervousness and anxiety.
Signs that a child is being bullied:
· inventing mysterious illnesses to avoid school (for example, stomachaches, headaches, etc.)
· missing belongings or money
· sleeping problems
· bedwetting
· irritability
· poor concentration
· unexpected changes in routine
· problems with schoolwork
What parents can do:
If your child complains about being bullied at school, or if you suspect that might be happening, here
are some suggestions:
- Ask your child thoughtful questions, such as:
What's it like walking to the bus stop or home from school?
What's it like on the bus ride to and from school?
What happens on the playground during recess or before or after school?
What happens in the hallways at school or during lunchtime?
Have any bullies in the neighborhood or at school threatened anyone you know?
Do some kids you know get emails, instant messages, or text messages that are upsetting,
threatening, or insulting?
- Make it clear that you accept your child's reports of what is happening and that you take them
seriously. She needs to know she has someone on her side who is willing to help her.
- Tell your child to hold the anger. It's natural to want to get really upset with a bully, but that's
exactly the response the bully is aiming for. Not only will getting angry or violent not solve the
problem, it will only make it worse. Bullies want to know they have control over your child's
emotions. Each time they get a reaction from your child, it adds fuel to the bully's fire — getting
angry just makes the bully feel more powerful.
- Reassure her that this situation can be resolved.
- At the same time, let her know that you do not think this is her fault. Her confidence has already
taken a big hit, and she already feels like a victim.
- Remind your child to never get physical or bully back. Emphasize that your child should never
use physical force (like kicking, hitting, or pushing) to deal with a bully. Not only does that show
anger, but your child can never be sure what the bully will do in response. Tell your child that
it's best to hang out with others, stay safe, and get help from an adult.
- While it is natural to want to protect your child by solving the problem for him, it will serve your
child better if you teach him how to solve the problem himself. By learning the skills to stand up
for himself, he can use them in other situations.
- Ask your child how she has been dealing with the bullying. Talk about what else can be done
and discuss what actions you can both take to solve the problem. Reassure her you will consult
her before taking any action.
- Encourage your child to act brave, walk away, and ignore the bully. Tell your child to look the
bully in the eye and say something like, "I want you to stop right now." Counsel your child to
then walk away and ignore any further taunts. Encourage your child to "walk tall" and hold his
or her head up high (using this type of body language sends a message that your child isn't
vulnerable).
- Teach your child how to respond to a bully in a bold, assertive way.
- Practice with him at home by role-playing. Participation in other activities builds confidence and
develops social skills, making it easier to find ways of saying, "Leave me alone."
- Suggest that your child stick with two or more other children when at the playground, the bus
stop or wherever she comes face-to-face with the bully.
- Teach your child to use humor as a distraction. In a situations where your child has to deal with
a bully and can't walk away with poise, tell him or her to use humor or offer a compliment to
throw the bully off guard. However, tell your child not to use humor to make fun of the bully.
- Make sure your child knows it is okay to ask for help from a teacher or other adult. Practice
what he'll say so he doesn't sound like he's whining or tattling.
- Emphasize that it's very important to tell an adult. Teachers, principals, parents, and lunchroom
personnel at school can all help to stop it. Studies show that schools where principals crack down
on this type of behavior have less bullying.
- Determine if your child has healthy friendships with other children. If not, perhaps she can
benefit by developing better social skills.
- Encourage her to invite friends over to your home and participate in school activities.
- It may help your child to talk to a guidance counselor, teacher, or friend — anyone who can give
the support your child needs. Talking can be a good outlet for the fears and frustrations that can
build when your child is being bullied.
- If necessary, meet with school representatives to discuss the problem.
- Encourage regular play or social visits with other children at your home. Being in a group with
other kids may help to build your child's self-esteem and give your child a larger group of
positive peers to spend time with and turn to.
- Remember, bullying is not a normal part of growing up. Help your child develop the necessary
tools to stick up for himself and others.
- Advise your child to use the buddy system. Enlisting the help of friends or a group may help
both your child and others stand up to bullies. The bully wants to be recognized and feel
powerful, after all, so a lot of bullying takes part in the presence of peers. If the bully is picking
on another child, tell your child to point out to the bully that his or her behavior is unacceptable
and is no way to treat another person.
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