Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)
ODD is characterized by two problems:
The criteria for ODD are:
A pattern of negative, hostile and defiant behavior lasting at least six months during
which four or more of the following are present:
1. Often loses temper
2. Often argues with adults
3. Often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules
4. Often deliberately annoys people
5. Often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
6. Is often touchy or easily annoyed by others
7. Is often angry and resentful
8. Is often spiteful and vindictive
ODD is the most common problem in children. Problems usually begin between
ages 1-3. ODD is more common in boys than girls before puberty, but is equally
divided in both males and females after puberty.
· Children with ODD are destructive and disagreeable by nature
· They like to push their parents' anger-buttons
· Every request results in a power struggle
· Lying is a daily habit, and stealing is a favorite hobby
· Getting others to react strongly pleases and amuses them
· They blame others for their mistakes and misbehavior
· And they have no remorse for the hurtful things they say and do
Many families of Oppositional Defiant Disordered children live in a home that has
become a battleground. In the beginning, the daily struggles can be expected. After
all, we knew that problems would occur. Initially, stress can be so subtle that we
lose sight of a war, which others do not realize is occurring. We honestly believe that
we can work through the problems. Outbursts, rages, and strife become a way of
life (an emotionally unhealthy way of life). We set aside our own needs and focus on
the needs of our children. But what does it cost us?
The majority of the population does not understand the dynamics of parenting an
ODD child. Family and friends may think that you -- the parent -- are the one with
the problem. Families are frequently turned in on false abuse allegations. Support is
non-existent, because outsiders can't even begin to imagine that children can be so
destructive. Where does that leave a parent?
Without strong support and understanding, the parent will become isolated,
demoralized, hurt, confused, and often held accountable for the actions of her/his
child.
Families are simply not prepared for the profound anger that lives in the heart
and soul of our ODD children. They see us -- the parents -- as the enemy. Small
expectations on our part can set our children off in ways that are not only
indescribable, but also often unbelievable.
Your home becomes a war-zone and you feel totally inadequate. You begin to
question your parenting abilities -- and your own sanity. Your heart's desire is to
provide your child with untold opportunities, a future, and all the love in the world.
You want to soothe your child. You want your child to have a fulfilling childhood and
to grow up to be a responsible adult. Yet, you are met with hatred and fierce anger.
In war, the battle lines are drawn; an antagonism exists between two enemies.
In our homes, we are not drawing battle lines; we are not prepared for war. We
are prepared for parenting. Consequently, the ongoing stress can result in
disastrous effects on our well-being, literally causing our emotional and physical
health to deteriorate.
In parenting a child with ODD, you will not escape adverse effects. It is essential
to recognize that your feelings are typical under stressful conditions. It is just as
essential to accept the fact that extensive stress is unhealthy. By recognizing the
symptoms and seeking support, you will strengthen your abilities to cope.
The strains an ODD child puts on your family can be enormous.
Effects on the family of an ODD child:
• An ODD child will play one parent off the other, which could result in a rift
between parents.
• Dreams of the perfect, loving, caring family are squashed. There is no such thing
as perfect family, but an ODD family can become quite dysfunctional.
• Due to child’s disruptive behavior, parents often withdraw from social functions.
• Family events, like Christmas, can be filled with anger and frustration due to ODD
behavior.
• Friends, family, church members become critical of parenting and attitude.
• Parents appear to be unfair, strict and sometimes hostile, as parenting skills used
with healthy children do not work with ODD children.
• Siblings and pets can often be targeted and threatened.
• Siblings often feel ignored or overlooked as the ODD child takes up so much of the
parent’s time.
ODD kids are not bad -- but they are very intense. And they seek intensity from
others as well -- especially their parents! Unfortunately, they have discovered that
their parents are the most intense and exciting when things are going wrong.
What parents may have viewed as punishment for their ODD child was actually a
reward (i.e., the child received a bigger payoff for misbehavior).
ODD is characterized by two problems:
- aggressiveness
- a tendency to purposefully bother and irritate others
The criteria for ODD are:
A pattern of negative, hostile and defiant behavior lasting at least six months during
which four or more of the following are present:
1. Often loses temper
2. Often argues with adults
3. Often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules
4. Often deliberately annoys people
5. Often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
6. Is often touchy or easily annoyed by others
7. Is often angry and resentful
8. Is often spiteful and vindictive
ODD is the most common problem in children. Problems usually begin between
ages 1-3. ODD is more common in boys than girls before puberty, but is equally
divided in both males and females after puberty.
· Children with ODD are destructive and disagreeable by nature
· They like to push their parents' anger-buttons
· Every request results in a power struggle
· Lying is a daily habit, and stealing is a favorite hobby
· Getting others to react strongly pleases and amuses them
· They blame others for their mistakes and misbehavior
· And they have no remorse for the hurtful things they say and do
Many families of Oppositional Defiant Disordered children live in a home that has
become a battleground. In the beginning, the daily struggles can be expected. After
all, we knew that problems would occur. Initially, stress can be so subtle that we
lose sight of a war, which others do not realize is occurring. We honestly believe that
we can work through the problems. Outbursts, rages, and strife become a way of
life (an emotionally unhealthy way of life). We set aside our own needs and focus on
the needs of our children. But what does it cost us?
The majority of the population does not understand the dynamics of parenting an
ODD child. Family and friends may think that you -- the parent -- are the one with
the problem. Families are frequently turned in on false abuse allegations. Support is
non-existent, because outsiders can't even begin to imagine that children can be so
destructive. Where does that leave a parent?
Without strong support and understanding, the parent will become isolated,
demoralized, hurt, confused, and often held accountable for the actions of her/his
child.
Families are simply not prepared for the profound anger that lives in the heart
and soul of our ODD children. They see us -- the parents -- as the enemy. Small
expectations on our part can set our children off in ways that are not only
indescribable, but also often unbelievable.
Your home becomes a war-zone and you feel totally inadequate. You begin to
question your parenting abilities -- and your own sanity. Your heart's desire is to
provide your child with untold opportunities, a future, and all the love in the world.
You want to soothe your child. You want your child to have a fulfilling childhood and
to grow up to be a responsible adult. Yet, you are met with hatred and fierce anger.
In war, the battle lines are drawn; an antagonism exists between two enemies.
In our homes, we are not drawing battle lines; we are not prepared for war. We
are prepared for parenting. Consequently, the ongoing stress can result in
disastrous effects on our well-being, literally causing our emotional and physical
health to deteriorate.
In parenting a child with ODD, you will not escape adverse effects. It is essential
to recognize that your feelings are typical under stressful conditions. It is just as
essential to accept the fact that extensive stress is unhealthy. By recognizing the
symptoms and seeking support, you will strengthen your abilities to cope.
The strains an ODD child puts on your family can be enormous.
Effects on the family of an ODD child:
• An ODD child will play one parent off the other, which could result in a rift
between parents.
• Dreams of the perfect, loving, caring family are squashed. There is no such thing
as perfect family, but an ODD family can become quite dysfunctional.
• Due to child’s disruptive behavior, parents often withdraw from social functions.
• Family events, like Christmas, can be filled with anger and frustration due to ODD
behavior.
• Friends, family, church members become critical of parenting and attitude.
• Parents appear to be unfair, strict and sometimes hostile, as parenting skills used
with healthy children do not work with ODD children.
• Siblings and pets can often be targeted and threatened.
• Siblings often feel ignored or overlooked as the ODD child takes up so much of the
parent’s time.
ODD kids are not bad -- but they are very intense. And they seek intensity from
others as well -- especially their parents! Unfortunately, they have discovered that
their parents are the most intense and exciting when things are going wrong.
What parents may have viewed as punishment for their ODD child was actually a
reward (i.e., the child received a bigger payoff for misbehavior).
