| We want you to have an opportunity to learn new information and skills that fit with your existing beliefs about parenting and communication. After you read and implement the principles offered in this eBook, your family is likely to notice:
In addition, your child may avoid becoming involved in the juvenile-justice system -- if he is not already in it. How many times have you told someone, “I've tried everything -- and nothing works with this kid?” Are you extremely frustrated with your kid’s behavior? Does it seem to be getting worse? Has it been bad for a long time? Have you tried your best to come up with solutions to the problems, but without the success you hoped for? If so, you're probably feeling angry, hurt, hopeless and helpless. You may even want someone else to take a shot at controlling your kid (e.g., juvenile probation, the cops). When we, as parents, begin to feel as though we are losing our grip on our children, we often tell ourselves things like:
These are the stages that a parent of an out-of-control kid goes though: 1. Denial – Trying to convince yourself that the problem is not as bad as it appears. 2. Anger – Feeling hurt by, or even afraid of, your child’s behavior. 3. Bargaining – Trying your best to come up with a solution with little or no success. 4. Depression – Feeling helpless, hopeless, and a sense of loss; possibly becoming angry with yourself; letting others take a shot at controlling your kid. 5. Acceptance – When you stop blaming your child AND yourself for past problems and simply go about the business of using the new, non-traditional parenting strategies discussed in this eBook. Symptoms parents can expect to experience when dealing with an out-of-control teen:
Helping Yourself Through The Parenting Struggles— Here are some things others have found useful in dealing with their out-of-control teen. Choose the ones that fit for you, or make up your own methods of self-care. Treat yourself with the same care, tolerance, and affection you would extend to a valued friend in a similar situation.
How To Deal With Supermom Stress-- One of the top stressors for women today is what many are calling the “supermom syndrome.” Many moms are led by society today to believe that in order to be successful, they have to do it all, and give all. Nonsense. Moms all want to do their best. But at some point, for their own mental health, their best has got to be good enough. Here are some great ideas to reduce the syndrome at your house: It’s ok not to be perfect. Let me say that again. It’s ok not to be perfect. I think many women hold themselves up to a level of perfection that merely hurts their ability to be good Moms. So what if the living room isn’t clean on Monday nights?…you had bedtime stories to read. Who cares if you had to choose a work presentation over your child's field trip …you’ll go next time. Not allowing yourself any slack simply causes more stress in your life, and prevents you from savoring every precious moment of being a Mom. Lighten up. It’s ok not to be perfect! Don’t buy into societies hype that in order to be a good parent, you must offer your child every experience under the stars. Over and over again, psychologists talk about the dangers of over- scheduling our kids, but it seems few are listening. It is not healthy for your child to learn to be so busy that he/she never learns to be with and like himself, to dream, use his imagination, or just be bored! Limiting your family to one extracurricular activity per child per week will help reduce family stress both in time and money. Do not let society guilt you into doing more …after all, this is the same society rules that say it's O.K. for our children to starve themselves to look like movie stars, or to play Nintendo for 12 hours straight. Is that what you want for your kids? Make time for yourself. Make a rule that you will take 10, 20, even 30 minutes a day and shut out the world. Close the bedroom door, take a bath, take a walk …just have that time to yourself. You deserve it, and your family owes you that much. Do not feel guilty asking for it either! Tell the kids "Mom is not to be disturbed unless someone is bleeding or something is on fire" …then enforce the rule! If your cup is empty, how will you fill up the ones you love? That being said, it is important to recognize your family as an essential part of your life. Stopping to smell the roses when it comes to your family will help you to keep your life in perspective, and therefore, reduce your daily stress. Make sure you take time for yourself, but also take time to spend with your family outside of the daily chores and running around. Let your children help you cook dinner, play cards together in the evening, take a walk around your neighborhood with your kids. Make sure you read to those little ones every night, and make sure you do those great voices with the characters! Laugh with your family, choose your battles wisely, and savor every moment of their precious childhood …before you know it, they will be tending their own families! (And won’t you feel good knowing what an example you were, cherishing your family as you do!) Finally, make sure you remember who you are as a person. Not as Mom, or wife, or business associate, but as who you are. Cultivate old pastimes, and expand your world by developing new ones! Learn to play piano, paint, or to speak a different language. Read. Celebrate your spiritual life, and let yourself grow in the world that has been gifted to you. It is time Moms stood up and made a stand …they don’t have to do it all to be good Moms. You are already a good Mom, because you do your best. And that’s good enough! Period. |
| Session #1 Week One |
Welcome To Online Parent Support
Ask The Parent Coach—
Hi Mark,
I’m a single mom dealing with a child who is beyond
‘out of control’. Any tips on how I can reduce my stress?
Sometimes I just want to run away and join the circus :)
E.M.
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Hi E.,
Parenting out of control children is very stressful.
Whether you are a stay at home parent or a working
parent, a single parent or a married parent, mother or
father, parent of one child or several children; remaining
cool, calm and full of energy can help get you through the
day. Below are some simple stress management tips
and relaxation exercises that have proven useful to
stressed-out parents. By taking a moment to consider
which stress management tools will work for you and
then putting them into practice immediately will help to
provide the stress management approach you are
looking for and the stress relief you deserve.
When we are worried, anxious, hurried or harried our
body begins to feel tense. Actually, this is a natural
reaction. Our body is preparing us for flight or fight. Our
body has been given the signal to prepare to respond to
a threat. If a real physical danger were present, we would
be able to protect ourselves by attack or retreat. When the
emergency was over, an "all clear signal" would be given
and our body would relax and return to its normal state.
In our modern existence, our mind is often bothered by
many things. We call this stress. Constant mental stress
keeps our body in constant tension which itself becomes
a form of stress. We can handle stress by learning to
cope with thoughts and events so they no longer are
stressful. We can also learn to relax. When we practice
relaxation, we are giving the "all clear signal." As we
become better at giving the signal we are able to trigger
the relaxation response so our body will return to its
normal state.
Chronic tension affects each of us differently. Depending
on the person it can cause sleep disturbance, increased
or decreased appetite, headaches, stomachaches, poor
concentration or irritability. Some diseases may be
caused by or made worse by chronic tension. Also, our
immune system can be weakened. Thus, making us
more susceptible to colds and other infections.
52 Proven Stress Reducers—
1. "Worry about the pennies and the dollars will take
of themselves." That’s another way of saying: take care of
the “todays” as best you can and the yesterdays and the
tomorrows will take care of themselves.
2. Add an ounce of love to everything you do.
3. Allow 15 minutes of extra time to get to
appointments. Plan to arrive at an airport one hour before
domestic departures.
4. Allow yourself time -everyday- for privacy, quiet, and
introspection.
5. Always set up contingency plans, "just in case." ("If
for some reason either of us is delayed, here’s what we’ll
do.." Or, "If we get split up in the shopping center, here’s
where we’ll meet.")
6. Ask questions. Taking a few moments to repeat
back directions, what someone expects of you, etc., can
save hours. (The old "the hurrieder I go, the behinder I
get," idea).
7. Be prepared to wait. A paperback can make a wait
in a post office line almost pleasant.
8. Become more flexible. Some things are worth not
doing perfectly and some issues are well to
compromise upon.
9. Create order out of chaos. Organize your home
and workspace so that you always know exactly where
things are. Put things away where they belong and you
won’t have to go through the stress of losing things.
10. Do one thing at a time. When you are with
someone, be with that person and with no one or
anything else. When you are busy with a project,
concentrate on doing that project and forget about
everything else you have to do.
11. Do something for somebody else. Make a meal
for someone who is in need.
12. Do something that will improve your appearance.
Looking better can help you feel better.
13. Doing nothing, which after being done, leads you
to tell a lie.
14. Don’t forget to take a lunch break. Try to get away
from your desk or work area in body and mind, even if its
just for 15 or 20 minutes.
15. Don’t put up with something that doesn't work
right. If your alarm clock, wallet, shoe laces, windshield
wipers, whatever are a constant aggravation, get them
fixed or get new ones.
16. Don’t rely on your memory. Write down
appointment times, when to pick up the laundry, when
library books are due, etc. ("The palest ink is better than
the most retentive memory."-Old Chinese Proverb)
17. Eliminate (or restrict) the amount of caffeine in
your diet.
18. Eliminate destructive self-talk; "I’m too old to...,
" "I’m too fat to...," etc.
19. Every day, do something you really enjoy.
20. Focus on understanding rather than on being
understood; on loving rather than on being loved.
21. Forget about counting to 10. Count to 1,000
before doing something or saying anything that could
make matters worse.
22. Get enough sleep. If necessary, use an alarm
clock to remind you to go to bed.
23. Get up and stretch periodically if your job requires
that you sit for extended periods.
24. Get up fifteen minutes earlier in the morning. The
inevitable morning mishaps will be less stressful.
25. Have a forgiving view of events and people.
Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world.
26. Have an optimistic view of the world. Believe that
most people are doing the best they can.
27. If an especially unpleasant task faces you, do it
early in the day and get it over with. Then, the rest of your
day will be free of anxiety.
28. Inoculate yourself against a feared event. For
example, before speaking in public, take time to go over
every part of the experience in your mind. Imagine what
you’ll wear, what the audience will look like, how you will
present your talk, what the questions will be and how you
will answer them, etc. Visualize the experience the way
you would have it be. You’ll likely find that when the time
comes to make the actual presentation, it will be "old hat'
and much of your anxiety will have fled.
29. Learn to delegate responsibility to capable others.
30. Learn to live one day at a time.
31. Make duplicates of all keys. Bury a house key in a
secret spot in the garden and carry a duplicate car key in
your wallet, apart from your key ring.
32. Make friends with non-worriers. Nothing can get
you into the habit or worrying faster than associating with
chronic worrywarts.
33. One of the most obvious ways to avoid
unnecessary stress is to select an environment (work,
home, leisure), which is in line with your personal needs
and desires. If you hate desk jobs, don’t accept a job,
which requires that you sit at a desk all day. If you hate to
talk politics, don’t associate with people who love to talk
politics, etc.
34. Plan ahead. Don’t let the gas tank get below one-
quarter full. Keep a well-stocked emergency shelf of
home staples. Don’t wait until you’re down to your last
bus token or postage stamp to buy more, etc.
35. Pollyanna-Power! For every one thing that goes
wrong, there are probably 10 or 50 or 100 blessings.
Count ’em!
36. Practice preventive maintenance… your car,
appliances, home and relationships will be less likely to
break down/fall apart "at the worst possible moment.”
37. Prepare for the morning the evening before. Set
the breakfast table, make lunches, put out the clothes
you plan to wear, etc.
38. Procrastination is stressful. Whatever you want to
do tomorrow, do today; whatever you want to do today, do
it now.
39. Relax your standards. The world will not end if the
grass doesn’t get mowed this weekend.
40. Say "No!." Saying "no" to extra projects, social
activities, and invitations you know you don’t have the
time or energy for takes practice, self-respect, and a
belief that everyone, everyday, needs quiet time to relax
and be alone.
41. Schedule a realistic day. Avoid the tendency to
schedule back-to-back appointments. Allow time
between appointments for a breathing spell.
42. Simplify, simplify, simplify...
43. Take a hot bath or shower (or a cool one in the
summertime) to relieve tension.
44. Talk it out. Discussing your problems with a
trusted friend can help clear your mind of confusion so
you can concentrate on problem solving.
45. Try the following yoga technique whenever you
feel the need to relax. Inhale deeply through your nose to
the count of eight. Then with lips puckered, exhale very
slowly through your mouth to the count of 15 or for as
long as you can. Concentrate on the long sighing sound
and feel the tension dissolve. Repeat 10 times.
46. Turn needs into preferences. Our basic physical
needs translate into food, water, and keeping warm.
Everything else is a preference. Don’t get attached to
preferences.
47. Unplug your phone. Want to take a long bath,
meditate, sleep, or read without interruption? Drum up
the courage to temporarily disconnect. (The possibility of
there being a terrible emergency in the next hour or so is
almost nil). Or use an answering machine.
48. Use your weekend time for a change of pace. If
your work-week is slow and patterned, make sure there
is action and time for spontaneity built into your
weekends. If your work-week is fast-paced and full of
people and deadlines, seek peace and solitude during
your days off. Feel as if you are not accomplishing
anything at work? Tackle a job on the weekend, which
you can finish to your satisfaction.
49. Wear earplugs. If you need to find quiet at home,
pop in some earplugs.
50. When feeling stressed, most people tend to
breathe in short, shallow breaths. When you breathe like
this, stale air is not expelled, oxidation of the tissues is
incomplete and muscle tension frequently results.
Check your breathing throughout the day and before,
during and after high-pressure situations. If you find your
stomach muscles are knotted and your breathing is
shallow, relax all your muscles and take several deep,
slow breaths. Note how, when you’re relaxed, both your
abdomen and chest expand when you breathe.
51. When the stress of having to get a job done gets
in the way of getting the job done, diversion (a voluntary
change in activity and/or environment) may be just what
you need.
52. Writing your thoughts and feelings down (in a
journal, or a paper to be thrown away) can help you
clarify things and can give you a renewed perspective.
Pick a few of the above stress reducers that are a good fit
for you - and practice them religiously. Good luck!
Mark
Hi Mark,
I’m a single mom dealing with a child who is beyond
‘out of control’. Any tips on how I can reduce my stress?
Sometimes I just want to run away and join the circus :)
E.M.
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Hi E.,
Parenting out of control children is very stressful.
Whether you are a stay at home parent or a working
parent, a single parent or a married parent, mother or
father, parent of one child or several children; remaining
cool, calm and full of energy can help get you through the
day. Below are some simple stress management tips
and relaxation exercises that have proven useful to
stressed-out parents. By taking a moment to consider
which stress management tools will work for you and
then putting them into practice immediately will help to
provide the stress management approach you are
looking for and the stress relief you deserve.
When we are worried, anxious, hurried or harried our
body begins to feel tense. Actually, this is a natural
reaction. Our body is preparing us for flight or fight. Our
body has been given the signal to prepare to respond to
a threat. If a real physical danger were present, we would
be able to protect ourselves by attack or retreat. When the
emergency was over, an "all clear signal" would be given
and our body would relax and return to its normal state.
In our modern existence, our mind is often bothered by
many things. We call this stress. Constant mental stress
keeps our body in constant tension which itself becomes
a form of stress. We can handle stress by learning to
cope with thoughts and events so they no longer are
stressful. We can also learn to relax. When we practice
relaxation, we are giving the "all clear signal." As we
become better at giving the signal we are able to trigger
the relaxation response so our body will return to its
normal state.
Chronic tension affects each of us differently. Depending
on the person it can cause sleep disturbance, increased
or decreased appetite, headaches, stomachaches, poor
concentration or irritability. Some diseases may be
caused by or made worse by chronic tension. Also, our
immune system can be weakened. Thus, making us
more susceptible to colds and other infections.
52 Proven Stress Reducers—
1. "Worry about the pennies and the dollars will take
of themselves." That’s another way of saying: take care of
the “todays” as best you can and the yesterdays and the
tomorrows will take care of themselves.
2. Add an ounce of love to everything you do.
3. Allow 15 minutes of extra time to get to
appointments. Plan to arrive at an airport one hour before
domestic departures.
4. Allow yourself time -everyday- for privacy, quiet, and
introspection.
5. Always set up contingency plans, "just in case." ("If
for some reason either of us is delayed, here’s what we’ll
do.." Or, "If we get split up in the shopping center, here’s
where we’ll meet.")
6. Ask questions. Taking a few moments to repeat
back directions, what someone expects of you, etc., can
save hours. (The old "the hurrieder I go, the behinder I
get," idea).
7. Be prepared to wait. A paperback can make a wait
in a post office line almost pleasant.
8. Become more flexible. Some things are worth not
doing perfectly and some issues are well to
compromise upon.
9. Create order out of chaos. Organize your home
and workspace so that you always know exactly where
things are. Put things away where they belong and you
won’t have to go through the stress of losing things.
10. Do one thing at a time. When you are with
someone, be with that person and with no one or
anything else. When you are busy with a project,
concentrate on doing that project and forget about
everything else you have to do.
11. Do something for somebody else. Make a meal
for someone who is in need.
12. Do something that will improve your appearance.
Looking better can help you feel better.
13. Doing nothing, which after being done, leads you
to tell a lie.
14. Don’t forget to take a lunch break. Try to get away
from your desk or work area in body and mind, even if its
just for 15 or 20 minutes.
15. Don’t put up with something that doesn't work
right. If your alarm clock, wallet, shoe laces, windshield
wipers, whatever are a constant aggravation, get them
fixed or get new ones.
16. Don’t rely on your memory. Write down
appointment times, when to pick up the laundry, when
library books are due, etc. ("The palest ink is better than
the most retentive memory."-Old Chinese Proverb)
17. Eliminate (or restrict) the amount of caffeine in
your diet.
18. Eliminate destructive self-talk; "I’m too old to...,
" "I’m too fat to...," etc.
19. Every day, do something you really enjoy.
20. Focus on understanding rather than on being
understood; on loving rather than on being loved.
21. Forget about counting to 10. Count to 1,000
before doing something or saying anything that could
make matters worse.
22. Get enough sleep. If necessary, use an alarm
clock to remind you to go to bed.
23. Get up and stretch periodically if your job requires
that you sit for extended periods.
24. Get up fifteen minutes earlier in the morning. The
inevitable morning mishaps will be less stressful.
25. Have a forgiving view of events and people.
Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world.
26. Have an optimistic view of the world. Believe that
most people are doing the best they can.
27. If an especially unpleasant task faces you, do it
early in the day and get it over with. Then, the rest of your
day will be free of anxiety.
28. Inoculate yourself against a feared event. For
example, before speaking in public, take time to go over
every part of the experience in your mind. Imagine what
you’ll wear, what the audience will look like, how you will
present your talk, what the questions will be and how you
will answer them, etc. Visualize the experience the way
you would have it be. You’ll likely find that when the time
comes to make the actual presentation, it will be "old hat'
and much of your anxiety will have fled.
29. Learn to delegate responsibility to capable others.
30. Learn to live one day at a time.
31. Make duplicates of all keys. Bury a house key in a
secret spot in the garden and carry a duplicate car key in
your wallet, apart from your key ring.
32. Make friends with non-worriers. Nothing can get
you into the habit or worrying faster than associating with
chronic worrywarts.
33. One of the most obvious ways to avoid
unnecessary stress is to select an environment (work,
home, leisure), which is in line with your personal needs
and desires. If you hate desk jobs, don’t accept a job,
which requires that you sit at a desk all day. If you hate to
talk politics, don’t associate with people who love to talk
politics, etc.
34. Plan ahead. Don’t let the gas tank get below one-
quarter full. Keep a well-stocked emergency shelf of
home staples. Don’t wait until you’re down to your last
bus token or postage stamp to buy more, etc.
35. Pollyanna-Power! For every one thing that goes
wrong, there are probably 10 or 50 or 100 blessings.
Count ’em!
36. Practice preventive maintenance… your car,
appliances, home and relationships will be less likely to
break down/fall apart "at the worst possible moment.”
37. Prepare for the morning the evening before. Set
the breakfast table, make lunches, put out the clothes
you plan to wear, etc.
38. Procrastination is stressful. Whatever you want to
do tomorrow, do today; whatever you want to do today, do
it now.
39. Relax your standards. The world will not end if the
grass doesn’t get mowed this weekend.
40. Say "No!." Saying "no" to extra projects, social
activities, and invitations you know you don’t have the
time or energy for takes practice, self-respect, and a
belief that everyone, everyday, needs quiet time to relax
and be alone.
41. Schedule a realistic day. Avoid the tendency to
schedule back-to-back appointments. Allow time
between appointments for a breathing spell.
42. Simplify, simplify, simplify...
43. Take a hot bath or shower (or a cool one in the
summertime) to relieve tension.
44. Talk it out. Discussing your problems with a
trusted friend can help clear your mind of confusion so
you can concentrate on problem solving.
45. Try the following yoga technique whenever you
feel the need to relax. Inhale deeply through your nose to
the count of eight. Then with lips puckered, exhale very
slowly through your mouth to the count of 15 or for as
long as you can. Concentrate on the long sighing sound
and feel the tension dissolve. Repeat 10 times.
46. Turn needs into preferences. Our basic physical
needs translate into food, water, and keeping warm.
Everything else is a preference. Don’t get attached to
preferences.
47. Unplug your phone. Want to take a long bath,
meditate, sleep, or read without interruption? Drum up
the courage to temporarily disconnect. (The possibility of
there being a terrible emergency in the next hour or so is
almost nil). Or use an answering machine.
48. Use your weekend time for a change of pace. If
your work-week is slow and patterned, make sure there
is action and time for spontaneity built into your
weekends. If your work-week is fast-paced and full of
people and deadlines, seek peace and solitude during
your days off. Feel as if you are not accomplishing
anything at work? Tackle a job on the weekend, which
you can finish to your satisfaction.
49. Wear earplugs. If you need to find quiet at home,
pop in some earplugs.
50. When feeling stressed, most people tend to
breathe in short, shallow breaths. When you breathe like
this, stale air is not expelled, oxidation of the tissues is
incomplete and muscle tension frequently results.
Check your breathing throughout the day and before,
during and after high-pressure situations. If you find your
stomach muscles are knotted and your breathing is
shallow, relax all your muscles and take several deep,
slow breaths. Note how, when you’re relaxed, both your
abdomen and chest expand when you breathe.
51. When the stress of having to get a job done gets
in the way of getting the job done, diversion (a voluntary
change in activity and/or environment) may be just what
you need.
52. Writing your thoughts and feelings down (in a
journal, or a paper to be thrown away) can help you
clarify things and can give you a renewed perspective.
Pick a few of the above stress reducers that are a good fit
for you - and practice them religiously. Good luck!
Mark
Instructional Video #1
NOTE: If you have an older computer, we suggest you click on
the YouTube button (lower right corner of the video), which will
take you to YouTube.com. The videos should run a bit faster
when viewed directly from YouTube.
the YouTube button (lower right corner of the video), which will
take you to YouTube.com. The videos should run a bit faster
when viewed directly from YouTube.
| Can't see the video? CLICK HERE |